Read Alouds Are MAGIC!

Seriously! Read alouds are magic! We do them in the car (hello, audiobook CDs from the CM Library!), at the morning breakfast table (hello, Hoopla digital audiobook downloads from the CM Library), we do them in the living room while I cook dinner or at bedtime with chapter books that are too complex for my kiddos to read on their own yet.

Here is a working list of our audiobooks (CDs or digital downloads):

• The Boxcar Children
• The Box Car Children: Benny Uncovers a Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Haunted Cabin
• The Box Car Children: The Deserted Library
• The Box Car Children: Mystery in the Sand
• The Box Car Children: The Woodshed Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Lighthouse Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Mountain Top Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Mystery Behind the Wall
• The Box Car Children: Bus Station Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Snowbound Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Tree House Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Bicycle Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Schoolhouse Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Caboose Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Houseboat Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Mystery Ranch
• The Box Car Children: Mike’s Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Blue Bay Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Surprise Island
• The Box Car Children: Yellow House Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Animal Shelter Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Old Motel Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery of the Hidden Painting
• The Box Car Children: The Amusement Park Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery of the Mixed-Up Zoo
• The Box Car Children: The Camp-Out Mystery
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery Girl
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery Cruise
• The Box Car Children: The Disappearing Friend Mystery
• The Box Car Children: Mystery of the Vanishing Forest
• The Box Car Children: The Doughnut Whodunit
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery of the Hidden Elves
• The Box Car Children: The Mystery of the Spotted Leopard
• The Box Car Children: The Great Reef Rebuild
• The Box Car Children: The Robot Ransom
• The Box Car Children: The Detour of the Elephants
• The Box Car Children: The Myth of the Rain Forest Monster
• The Box Car Children: The Secret of Bigfoot Valley
• The Box Car Children: The Khipu and the Final Key
• The Box Car Children: The Big Spill Rescue
• The Box Car Children: The Shackleton Sabotage
• The Adventure of Captain Underpants
• Because of Winn Dixie
• Stuart Little
• Ribsy
• The Tale of Despereaux
• Farmer Boy
• Little Town On the Prairie
• Alice in Wonderland
• Fudge-a-mania
• Superfudge
• Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing
• Freckle Juice
• Henry Huggins
• The Magic Treehouse: Shadow of the Shark
• The Magic Treehouse: Dogs in the Dead of Night
• The Magic Treehouse Collection Books 17-24
• The Magic Treehouse Collection Books 9-16
• The Magic Treehouse Collection Books 1-8
• The Magic Treehouse: Christmas in Camelot
• A-Z Mysteries Books W-Z
• Wayside School Beneath the Cloud of Doom
• Sideways Stories from Wayside School
• Wayside School Is Falling Down
• Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger
• Crime Biters: It’s A Doggy Dog World
• Ramona Quimby, Age 8
• Harriet, The Spy
• Hello, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
• Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
• Mrs. Piggle Wiggle’s Farm
• Happy Birthday, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
• The Phantom Tollbooth
• Frog And Toad Are Friends
• Mouse Soup
• The Mystery of Meerkat Hill
• The Great Cake Mystery
• Calendar Mysteries 1-6
• Merlin Missions Collection Books 1-8
• The Magic Treehouse: Stallion by Starlight
• The Magic Treehouse: A Big Day for Baseball
• The Magic Treehouse: Late Lunch With Llamas
• A- Z Mysteries Books A-C
• Night of the Ninth Dragon
• The Magic Treehouse: Dinosaurs Before Dark
• Nate The Great Collected Stories
• The Magic Treehouse Books 25-28
• The Diary Collection
• The Magic Treehouse: Sunset of the Sabertooth
• The Magic Treehouse: Danger in the Darkest Hour
• The Magic Treehouse: Abe Lincoln At Last
• The Magic Treehouse: High Times for Heroes
• Geronimo Stilton: The Mona Mousa Code
• Geronimo Stilton: The Lost Treasure of Emerald Eye
• Geronimo Stilton: The Curse of The Cheese Pyramid
• Geronimo Stilton: Cat and Mouse in the Haunted House
• Geronimo Stilton: The Way of the Samurai
• Geronimo Stilton: It’s Halloween, You Fraidy Mouse
• Geronimo Stilton: Merry Christmas, Geronimo
• Geronimo Stilton: Watch Your Whiskers, Stilton!
• Geronimo Stilton: Shipwreck On The Pirate Islands
• The Magic Treehouse: To the Future, Ben Franklin!
• The Magic Treehouse: Hurry Up, Houdini!
• The Magic Treehouse: A Crazy Day With Cobras
• Geronimo Stilton: The Phantom of the Subway
• Geronimo Stilton: The Temple of the Ruby Fire
• Geronimo Stilton: Red Pizzas for the Blue Count
• Geronimo Stilton: Attack of the Bandit Cats
• Geronimo Stilton: A Fabumous Vacation for Geronimo
• Merlin Missions Collections Books 9-16
• The Magic Treehouse: Hurricane Heroes in Texas
• The Magic Treehouse: Narwhal On A Sunny Night
• Arthur: King Arthur/ Francine, Believe It Or Not/ Arthur And The Cootie Catcher
• Arthur: Arthur and the Crunch Cereal Contest/ Arthur Accused/ Locked in the Library
• Arthur: Arthur’s Mystery Envelope/ Arthur and the Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club/ Arthur Makes the Team
• The Wonderful World of Oz
• Ozma of Oz
• The Marvelous Land of Oz
• Frank Einstein and the Antimatter Moto
• The Mouse And The Motorcycle
• Runaway Ralph
• A Bear Called Paddington
• More About Paddington
• Winnie-The-Pooh
• Basil of Baker Street
• Basil in Mexico
• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
• Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator
• Encyclopedia Brown
• Mr. Popper’s Penguins
• The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
• The Trumpet of the Swan
• Geronimo Stilton Books 25 & 26
• The Magic Treehouse: Warriors in Winter
• The Penderwicks
• Hotel for Dogs

Here is a working list of chapter books read by mom & dad:

• Crime Biters: My Dog is Better Than Your Dog
• The Little House On The Prairie
• Farmer Boy
• Little Town On the Prairie
• By The Shores of Silverlake
• On the Banks of Plumb Creek
• The Long Winter
• The Little House Christmas Treasury
• The Little House in the Big Woods
• Dogman: A Tale of Two Kitties
• Eerie Elementary, Classes are Canceled
• Olga da Polga
• Geronimo Stilton: The Famouse Fjord Race
• Geronimo Stilton: Ghost Pirate Treasure
• Three Tales of my Father’s Dragon
• Geronimo Stilton: The Super Chef Contest
• Abel’s Island
• Old Mother West Wind
• Charlotte’s Web
• A-Z Mysteries the Vampire’s Vacation
• Diary of a Wimpy Kid
• Scooby-Doo and the Vampire’s Revenge
• Scooby-Doo and the Howling Wolfman

Truth (for me): “Discipline is my Freedom”

I just finished Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. It was a quick read and interesting if you’re looking to learn about how to create habits and motivate yourself to achieve a specific goal or meet internal or external obligations or expectations.

You can also listen to her interview on the intersection between the 4 Tendencies and FI (Financial Independence) here.

Here you can take the short quiz and receive a PDF telling you more about your tendency: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, Rebel. Here is Rubin’s crucial insight:

“Depending on a person’s repsonse to outer and inner expectations, that person falls into one of four distinct types:

Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations

Questioners question all expectations; they must meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so in effect they respond only to inner expectations

Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations

Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike”

For each Tendency, one question matters most:

• Upholders ask: “Should I do this?”
• Questioners ask: “Does this make sense?”
• Obligers ask: “Does this matter to anyone else?”
• Rebels ask: “Is this the person I want to be?”

When working with each Tendency in collaboration to achieve a goal or meet an expectation, here is how to reach the person best:

• Upholders want to know what should be done.
• Questioners want justifications
• Obligers need accountability
• Rebels want the freedom to do something their own way

When you encounter challenges, you’re more likely to be persuasive with each tendency if you invoke values that have special appeal to each Tendency:

• Upholders value self-command and performance
• Questioners value justification and purpose
• Obligers value teamwork and duty
• Rebels value freedom and self-identity

I am not sure I need additional suggestions on how to self-motivate to meet expectations because turns out that my tendency is… drumroll… an Upholder.

AN Upholder’s likely strengths include:

• Self-starter
• Self-motivated
• Reliable
• Thorough
• Sticks to a schedule
• Eager to understand and meet expectations

Possible weaknesses for an Upholder include:

• Defensive
• Rigid
• Often struggles when plans or schedules change
• Can seem humorless and uptight
• Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined
• Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision or discussion
• Demanding
• May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist

Much of this definitely resonates with me. Although, I don’t think I am quite so rigid about a schedule and needing rules. In fact, in that way, I think I learn more towards a Questioner often wondering why those rules need to be in place at all. And, I think that I can be humorous and flexible. But, I get the idea and definitely acknowledge that I see much of myself in this tendency.

When dealing with an Upholder (read: me):

• They readily meet external and internal expectations
• They’re self-directed, so they can meet deadlines, work on projects, and take the initiative without much supervision
• They enjoy routine and may have trouble adjusting to a break in routine or sudden scheduling change
• They hate to make mistakes, and because of that…
• They may become angry or defensive at the suggestion that they’ve dropped the ball or made a mistake
• They put a high value on follow-through
• They may need to be reminded that, unlike them, others aren’t necessarily comforted or energized by getting things done

When considering my career pivot from the perspective on my Tendency as an Upholder, I found this passage illuminating (although it’s not the first time that personality-typing has suggested something along these lines, see the 8’s strengths on the Enneagram):

“Upholders do well in roles that require people to be self-starters, such as starting a business, solo consulting, or freelancing because once they decide to meet an aim, they can work toward it without any supervision or accounability. Upholders have a deep capacity to make themselves do things they don’t feel like doing, which is invaluable for people who work for themselves and lack coworkers to help with the details or drudge work.”

I’ve been reading a couple books about side-hustling (100 Side Hustles: Unexpected Ideas for Making Extra Money Without Quitting Your Day Job), about the multipotentialite-life (How to Be Everything: A Guide for Those Who (Still) Don’t Know What They Want to Be When They Grow Up) and about the start-up life (Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future) and been thinking a lot about what I could do as a job in the non-traditional career sense. It’s not that I feel like I can’t work for someone else. Maybe instead it’s just that I’ve learned that I don’t have to.

When reading about the other 3 Tendencies I have to be honest that I struggled to identify with them. I often found myself thinking, “man, that seems like such an odd way to operate” or “jeez, I wonder what that is like?” I mention this because being an Upholder is not nearly as common as being an Obliger or a Questioner (being a Rebel is least common of all). Therefore, I have to be cognizant of the fact that the majority of people that I interact with, in my personal and professional life, will probably be asking these same two questions about me and my Tendency 🙂

On to the next item on my To-do List!

My 20 for 2020

I really like new year traditions. I love champagne and fireworks. I love looking back over all that the old year encompasses. I love how the new year encourages us to look ahead, set a goal, and meet it (or sometimes forget all about it or intentionally abandon it along the way if it no longer serves us).

In the past couple of years I’ve tried to pick no more than 3 simple intentions, (I like calling them intentions rather than resolutions) and doing all I can to stay true to them.

In 2019 my 3 intentions were:

1) Be a Reader — a success if I do say so myself

2) Be a Saunterer— with our little kids I didn’t visit and saunter in as many state parks as I would have enjoyed but I did get into the habit (sometimes forced habit due to no naps) of walking in local parks and all over our neighborhood at least a handful of times each week.

3) Be a Napper — an epic, epic fail. I honestly, no matter how tired I am, have a really hard time falling asleep to nap… unless I’m the passenger riding shotgun in the car. Ohhhh! So that’s where my kids get it!

For 2020, my intentions are:

1) Be a Racer-– I commit to registering for, training for, and (re)running those “races I’ve always wanted to run.”

5K- Runway 5K CLT Airport (October)

8K- Team Summit Foundation Leprechaun Loop (March)

10K- Cooper River Bridge Run (April)

1/2 Marathon- Rock N Roll Half Marathon in Savannah (November)

2) Be a Meditator— I’ve read about the benefits of a meditation practice over and over. Even a short 10 minutes a day can be beneficial. I commit to a short daily practice.

3) Be a Grateful Early Riser— It’s clear in this stage of life I’m not going to sleep in… ever. So, I commit to embrace it. Stop complaining about being woken up. Love on my kiddos in the early AM. Develop a rewarding morning routine that’s good for us and for me.

3 intentions is probably more than I can actually successfully tackle in a year, and I don’t want to add more to my mind, schedule, or plate. But I still like the idea of setting up smaller, more-focused, detailed goals of things I want to accomplish and commit to in 2020.

Enter Gretchen Rubens 20 in 2020

Without further ado and in order to create accountability for myself, here are my 20 in 2020:

1. Stay committed to a consistent yoga practice
2. Learn to foam roll
3. Read, read, read– not gonna set a book goal
4. Update via Instagram and blog each month on what I’ve been reading
5. Finish our family recipe book
6. Enjoy using up all my face masks
7. Visit the dermatologist for base-line skin check
8. Arm exercises
9. Write letters
10. Re-de clutter our house
11. Clean out and deep clean inside of our cars
12. Make a podcast
13. Create a rotating picture wall in living room
14. Weekly walk
15. Watch one documentary a month
16. Plant our garden 2.0
17. Calculate our FI number/year and make some higher savings plans
18. Research and try out some cheap travel & credit card travel hacks
19. Visit family
20. Tackle one house project every quarter

As I’ve apparently inadvertently taught my 2-year-old to say, “let’s do this!”, 2020!

Midlife? It’s looking good!

I recently listened to Barbara Bradley Hagerty‘s book Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, And Opportunity of Midlife. I picked up this book at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Library for a couple reasons:

1. It was there.
2. I’m 35. Midlife looks like it could be starting soon despite the fact that sometimes, in many ways, I still feel like I’m 20.
3. I figured a study of midlife completed by a former NPR reporter would be interesting, well-researched, and well- recorded. Spoiler: It was!
4. I thought it might bring me some insight into my parents’ and inlaws’ life transitions in their 60s and my grandmothers’ in their 90s.
5. One of the reasons I left my job was because I didn’t want to autopilot through the next 10-15 years of my career. Turns out the idea of autopilot and its negative effects on midlife/end-of-life is central to this book.
6. I believe that the positive habits and the ruts from bad ones that I create in my 30s and 40s will bring into sharp relief what my life, health, wealth, and relationships will look like in the second half of my life. Turns out this idea is supported in the research on midlife.

Hagerty writes this book through the lens of her own midlife experiences and curiosities which creates a personal narrative that the reader can follow throughout. She also weaves together her personal story with many, many studies of and much research on midlife as well as other’s personal experiences and anecdotes. I found the combination very interesting and compelling. It wasn’t dry facts, stats, studies nor was it simply one woman’s personal story. However, this combination also produced a dense, multifaceted book that sometimes challenged me to remember what she was talking about in earlier chapters. At the end of the book, Hagerty tried to tie it all back together in what she calls her “16 suggestions for a meaningful midlife”

On Aging Well:

• If you feel midlife blues, remember everyone else does, too. Your most joyous years are ahead of you.
• Aim for meaning and not happiness and you will find both.
• Ask yourself regularly, “How will I use these glory days for the best purpose?”
• The middle-age brain is a thing of wonder. it can learn any new trick if you challenge it.

On Living Exuberantly:

• At every stage of life, you should be a rookie at something.
• Midlife can be like Kansas: long and flat. Creating a goal will energize your days.

On The Power of Thought:

• It’s harder to hurt when you’re laughing.
• Take trouble in stride. A few setbacks are just what the doctor ordered.
• Watch your thoughts. Your thinking shapes your experience.

On Doing Good Work:

• If possible, go for Plan A and it’s possible more often than not.
• Pivoting on your strengths beats starting from scratch.
• Redefine success according to your values not those of the rest of the world.

On Choosing What Matters Most:

• Pay attention. The biggest threat to a seasoned marriage is mutual neglect. Do you value that relationship?
• It’s dangerous at the periphery.
• Happiness is love. Full stop.

Here are a couple of salient quotes that I noted down while listening to the audiobook:

“Turns out we’re hardwired for connection”

“Lonely people were not faking their symptoms. Their own bodies were reacting to loneliness at a cellular level, trying to nudge them to make friends and get back into the warm, safe center of the herd.”

 

“The men and women who scored highest on conscientiousness– that is, who control their impulses, who were dependable and goal-oriented– had 89% lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s than the least conscientious people.”

“Develop thought patterns, particularly purpose in life, now, in one’s 40s, 50s, and 60s. Find purpose beyond your career– because you will one day retire.”

“In fact, people with little purpose were two and a half times more likely to develop dementia than those with a mission.”

 

Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and childrearing. Our default mode at midlife is entropy. The default is not destiny, and on this, the research is unequivocal: for every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice. Harder in the moment, that is, but easier over the years, as your body and mind remain strong. By resisting entropy, but pushing through the inertia that beckons us to rest a little longer, to slow down just a notch, until your life has narrowed to a pinprick– by resisting those forces you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath, deeply entwined with family and friends, engaged in intellectual pursuits, and infused with a purpose that extends beyond yourself. Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is worth it.”

Bottom line? Push through. Stay active. Stay engaged. Onward.

Girl, I love to wash my face

Recently-ish I listened to the audiobook of Girl, Wash Your Face: stop believing the lies about who you are so you can become who you were meant to be by Rachel Hollis. It was an easy listen while driving my kids to and from school and running errands etc. Some chapters were captivating while others I probably would have flipped through more quickly had I been reading the traditional paper-version of this book. Because Hollis wrote this book about herself and her life, it should be no surprise or shock that the story is told through a female, conservative, Christian perspective. While her experience isn’t my experience–and likely not yours either– I stuck with it and enjoyed listening to her articulate becoming aware of and then vigorously interrogating the “lies” that we let others impose on us about our own lives.

Overall, my takeaway here is that as women, and likely as men too but I’ve never lived that experience so I’ll only speak from my life experience, we believe or are told “lies” about who we are and what kind of agency we have in our own lives. Hollis argues that it isn’t until we name these lies, confront them, and work to overcome/disprove them that we can truly live the life we want to wholeheartedly and without excuses or apologies.

Each chapter in her book is dedicated to a lie she believed about herself or was told by someone else. It was a lie that she believed. Her life conformed to the narrative of this lie. Until she did the work to name it, confront it, and overcome it.

Here are the lies:

Chapter 1- “Something else will make me happy”

Chapter 2- “I’ll start tomorrow”

Chapter 3- “I’m not good enough”

Chapter 4- “I’m better than you”

Chapter 5- “Loving him is enough for me”

Chapter 6- “No is the final answer”

Chapter 7- “I’m bad at sex”

Chapter 8- “I don’t know how to be a mom”

Chapter 9- “I’m not a good mom”

Chapter 10- “I should be further along by now”

Chapter 11- “Other people’s kids are so much cleaner, better organized, and more polite”

Chapter 12- “I need to make myself smaller”

Chapter 13- “I’m going to marry Matt Damon”

Chapter 14- “I’m a terrible writer”

Chapter 15- “I will never get past this”

Chapter 16- “I can’t tell the truth”

Chapter 17- “I am defined by my weight”

Chapter 18- “I need a drink”

Chapter 19- “There’s only one right way to be”

Chapter 20- “I need a hero”

I’ll update this post with how some of these did or did not resonate with me at a later date.

As I said before, her personal journey and her unique reflections didn’t always hit home or resonate with me. However, the exercise of becoming conscious of your own life “lies” is perhaps a journey worth embarking on. And, her repeated message that you are, in fact, the one who constructs and then lives your life is definitely empowering and worth reminding yourself of from time to time.

For her, and for me, it is always worth remembering that I am in charge of my life… however, I must also remember that God plays a role:

“You have the ability to change your life. You’ve always had the power, Dorothy. You just have to stop waiting for someone else to do it for you. There is no easy way out of this; there is no life hack. Just you and your God-given strenth and how much you desire change.”

Her point could be interpreted as a bit super-human and self-indulgent. Of course, there are other factors in your life that play a role: gender, age, race, socio-economic status. All of these things shape who we are, who we can become, what your life will be. BUT the most important factor is YOU. YOU.

However, for me, I think it is important to pay special attention to the part about “God-given strength.” Sometimes putting yourself into too high a place of self-importance can cause paralysis or hubris. If it is all up to you then where do you even begin? Or how could you possibly solve or accomplish it all? Or on the side of hubris: If it’s all up to me then certainly I must be better than everyone and everything else, no? This train of thought then took me back to one of my favorite Oscar Romero quotes:

I choose to live my life somewhere between “You’ve always had the power” and “[You] cannot do everything” and let grace be involved in directing and building the rest. If I don’t take control of my life, then grace can never come in. I won’t sit idly by waiting for someone else to do it. AND I won’t labor in vain thinking ONLY I ALONE can do it.

In this season where I’m a bit lost professionally (currently unemployed) but very grounded personally (full-time care-giving for my 2 kiddos) I wonder what is next for me and my work. This quote from Hollis resonated with me:

“Nothing is wasted. Every single moment is preparing you for the next. But whether or not you chose to see this time as something wonderful– the time God is stretching you and growing you or maybe forging you in fires hotter than you thnk you can withstand– all of it is growing you for the person you’re becoming, for a future you can’t even imagine.”

I simply do not know what is next. I cannot even imagine it… yet. I do know the goal isn’t to go back to what was… teaching, pre-kids, etc. But rather to land somewhere next and new. Afterall…

“Your life is supposed to be a journey from one unique place to another; it’s not a marry-go-round that brings you back to the same spot over and over again.”

On to the next destination. It is unknown. It will be of my own creation. And I will arrive there by my own hard work and by the grace of God.

In the meantime, I will heed Hollis’ advice and continue to enjoy immensely washing my face… and using a mask or two from time to time.

Eat that Frog! Got it! Now, which one?

Ironically, I recently finished reading Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, a book all about how to be the most productive, efficient, and, ideally, highly rewarded employee you can be, with less than 20 days left at my current job.

Tracy gets the title of his book from a quote attributed to Mark Twain:

I found this book chock full of practical, actionable advice. With one caveat… you FIRST have to CLEARLY decide on your priorities, your FROG. I think I am really good at getting things done. Ask my husband, I am a motivator and activator around the house. The trouble is, in a work environment I have trouble figuring out WHAT FROG to eat. It’s not that I procrastinate, per se, but rather that I just don’t know what is most important to me when it comes to my professional work.

Without further ado… here are the 21 ways to stop procrastinating. Follow these 21 steps, practice them regularly, and when they become firmly ingrained in and second nature to you, Brian Tracy claims that “your future will be guaranteed!” Whoa! Bold Claim. 

1. Set the table-– Decide exactly what you want. Clarity is key. Write out your goals and objectives before you begin.
2. Plan every day in advance— Think on paper. Every minute you spend planning can save you 5 or 10 minutes in execution.
3. Apply the 80-20 rule to everything-– Remember that 20% of your activities account for 80% of your results. Always concentrate your efforts on that top 20%
4. Consider the consequences-– Your most important tasks are those that can have the more serious and impactful consequences on your life and work. Focus on these above all.
5. Practice A, B, C, D, E method continuously— Before you begin work on tasks, take a minute to organize them by value and priority so that you can be sure to work on most valuable task first and maybe only.
6. Focus on key result areas— Identify those results that you absolutely positively have to get to do your job well and work on them all day long.
7. Practice the law of forced efficiency-– It says there’s never enough time to do everything but there’s always enough time to do the most important things. What are they?
8. Prepare thoroughly before you begin— 6Ps →  Proper Planning and Preparation(I’d say practice) Prevents Poor Performance
9. Upgrade your skills— The more knowledgeable and skilled you become at your key tasks, the faster you start them and the sooner you get them done.
10. Leverage your special talents— Determine exactly what you are very good at doing, or could be good at, and throw your whole heart into doing those specific things very well.
11. Identify your key constraints— Determine the bottleneck or choke points, internally or externally, that set the speed at which you achieve your most important goals and focus on alleviating them.
12. Take it one oil barrel at a time— You can complete the biggest and most complicated job if you just complete it one step at a time.
13. Put the pressure on yourself— Imagine you have to leave town for a month and work as if you have to get all your major tasks completed before you left.
14. Maximize your personal powers— Identify your periods of highest physical and mental energy each day and structure your most important and demanding tasks around these times. Get lots of rest so you can perform at your best.
15. Motivate yourself into action— Be your own cheerleader. Focus on the solution rather than the problem. Always be optimistic and constructive.
16. Practice creative procrastination— Since you can’t do everything you must deliberately learn to put off the tasks that are low value so that you have enough time to do the few tasks that really count.
17. Do the most difficult task first-– Begin each day with your most difficult task. The one task that can make the greatest contribution to yourself and your work and resolve to stay at it until it’s complete.
18. Slice and dice the task— Break large, complex tasks into bite-sized pieces and do just one small part of the task to get started.
19. Create large chunks of time— Organize your days around large chunks of time where you can concentrate for extended time on your most important tasks.
20. Develop a sense of urgency— Make it a habit of moving fast on your key tasks. Become known as a person who does things quickly and well.
21. Single-handle every task— Set clear priorities. Start immediately on your most important task and then work without stopping until the job is 100% complete.

Since I’ve already established my trouble deciding on which frog to eat, I appreciate all the practical advice about zeroing in on and eliminating the frogs that are not a good use of your time or talents.

Something to keep in mind about these frogs you don’t want to eat:

“One of the very worst uses of time is to do something very well that need not be done at all.”

It may seem counterintuitive, but it will actually maximize my time if I prioritize time to establish a “what-not-to-do” list:

“You can get your time and your life under control only to the degree to which you discontinue your lower-value activities.”

There’s only so much time in each day, week, month, year. I need to be discerning about how I spend it:

“Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.”

These quotes also remind me of 3 other similar concepts from 3 other authors:

1. The “hedgehog concept” from Good to Great by Jim Collins
2. Zen Habits by Leo Babauta
3. Essentialism by Greg McKeown

Of all the salient ideas and quotes from this book– and I do think there are numerous that deserve attention and thought– this is the guiding “why” for me. Why does any of this matter? Why am I spending time reading and thinking about time management and work priorities?

This is why:

“Rule: It is the quality of time at work that counts and the quantity of time at home that matters.”

 

Maybe, at least for now, my home work is my life’s most important work. Time to prioritize that frog and eat it first thing every day!

… and The Helper & The Challenger lived happily ever after.

It’s confirmed. I’m an Eight, The Challenger.  In fact, I’m an 8 wing 7 known as, The Maverick. From the book The Road Back to You:

“This can be a wild combination. Eights with a Seven wing are outgoing, energetic, and fun, reflecting the Seven’s sunny personality. They are also ambitious, impulsive, and sometimes reckless. These Eights live life to the fullest. They are the most energetic of all numbers and the most entrepreneurial. The Seven energy masks the more wary Eight so they are more social and gregarious than other Eights.”

In any group, the Eight is the leader, the powerful and dominating type. Self-confident, strong, assertive. We stand up for our rights and the rights of others. We are resourceful, passionate with a can-do attitude and a strong inner drive. We take the initiative and make things happen. We champion other people, protect them, and carry others with our strength.

When I stress out I take on qualities of an unhealthy 5 (The Investigator): withdrawn, even less connected to my emotions, hyper vigilant about betrayal, dig my heels in, become even more uncompromising– sounds like I’m great company when stressed, no?

I had previously taken the Enneagram and was just getting into the depths of it all when we took the Enneagram for our Sunday School Connections class with the goal of getting to know each other in the class better. I also hope we’ll dig into how knowing ourselves and each other better in our marriages will help us be better parents to our kids– a key theme of our Connections class.

When I’m secure, I move to the healthy side of Two’s characteristics: I become more caring. I’m not so conscious of hiding my tender side. I am open to listen to and value other’s points of view.

My husband is a Two, The Helper. Twos are empathetic, sincere, warm-hearted, and have an extraordinary ability to feel the feelings and needs of others. They take joy in doing good from a pure heart. Twos are the most people-oriented of the Enneagram. This quote below could serve as a description of my husband at his best and is definitely one of the reasons that I fell in love with him:

“When Twos are healthy and in balance, they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts.”

He makes me feel loved and cared for which lets me let down my hard-hearted 8 defenses.

I look forward to discussing more with him about how Twos and Eights work well in symphony together– as well as analyzing when and how our collaboration breaks down.

From the Enneagram Institute, a key lynchpin to our success is that we seem to be the yin to the other’s yang.

“They easily play roles that the other needs and wants: the Eight is practical and concerned with results, whereas Twos are more people-oriented and more openly altruistic. They are both strong willed and like taking on responsibility, as long as they choose it themselves… Both see each other’s noble qualities and can be each other’s staunchest supporters and admirers. Their roles are also clearly delineated, so they do not get in each other’s way. Each runs different spheres of their lives and cover different bases (one plays the symbolic Mommy the other the symbolic Daddy and things are clear and balanced). These qualities make this couple powerful allies who complement each other’s strengths, particularly the good effects they can have on others.”

So, to sum up… it looks like I really did marry my better half. I better hang on for dear life, make sure he feels fully appreciated and deeply loved– something I certainly think about and feel for him but, as an Eight, it’s not always in my nature to articulate.

TQM.

Want to perform better? Spend more time learning. Duh.

Want to perform better? Then spend more time learning. Duh.

It seems so obvious and so very clear. If you want to be better performing, then you need to spend more time learning and practicing and reflecting and less time performing.

However, when it comes to school and work in the USA, that is rarely the environment of the classroom or the office.

Eduardo Briceño gives a short 11-minute Ted Talk entitled “How to get better at the things you care about” where he elaborates on a relationship between what he calls the learning zone VS the performance zone.

In my school/work context, my Upper School World Language Department has spent the last 3 years prioritizing creating a low-stakes environment where students practice, practice practice with feedback, feedback, feedback in the learning zone BEFORE we ask them to perform. And even still, due to the nature of the USA high school schedule and the need for a robust grade book, where no one grade carries too much weight where all grades can be easily averaged and then those grades seamlessly communicated to colleges, we are constantly assessing them, asking them to perform. We are requiring them to be in the performance zone so often despite the fact that research shows that you grow and improve in the learning zone, not in the performance zone. Are we giving our students the necessary time and opportunity to learn and grow to their potential during their high school careers? No.

This image from Briceño’s Ted Talk is a particularly helpful visual when considering this question:

Here you can see that the practice/feedback/reflection loop is essential in the learning-performing process. AND it is also essential that these two zones NOT be divided evenly. Schools, teachers, and employers should prioritize and give more time, and perhaps give more importance, to the learning zone if they are seeking higher rewards and performance in the performance zone.

This is not to say that the performance zone is not important. The goal of the cycle and of learning itself is so that we can DO, perform, show competence in and mastery of something. The performance zone is where you apply your skills, execute, try to minimize mistakes and achieve your best results.

But on the contrary, the learning zone is all about improvement. We focus on what we don’t know, experiment, learn and make mistakes in a low-risk setting, so we can learn from them and get better. The learning zone is where growth and innovation can happen. Without these two essential elements, you can never improve performance.  You will stay stagnant and eventually be surpassed by others– if you ever attained a level of mastery, to begin with.

Now, the question becomes how to prioritize the relationship between the two zones in a school/work environment that is focused on results, production, and performance? In my opinion, we can easily see this if we look at great musicians or athletes. They seem to get it. Stephen Curry spends hours and hours and hours practicing shooting sometimes literally hundreds of 3’s so that in the game situation he can perform and make a record number of 3-pointer shots in the performance zone, that is to say in a game. Curry isn’t held accountable for the shots he makes or misses during practice while in the learning zone. However, that practice directly affects his ability to perform at a high level in the performance zone. This sports analogy makes clear sense to us. When considering this example, it is not a struggle to understand the relationship between the learning and performing zones. Briceño himself uses a very clear example in his Ted Talk from the art/music realm citing the Queen, Beyonce, and her tenacity for reflecting on and learning from her performances so that she can practice and prepare better for the next. The key here is that her attention does NOT remain in the performing zone. Instead, it shifts quickly back to the learning zone.

Why, then, does this clarity fail to translate to the classroom and the academic culture we create for learning environment? If all Beyonce and Curry did was perform– and never engaged in purposeful practice with feedback and reflection– then they would be significantly less likely to be great, and definitely would not be able to maintain their greatness. The same is true for our students, no? If all they do is perform, then they, too, will never be masters. They, too, must spend copious amounts of purposefully used time in the learning zone.

Often, it’s as if a school is a body-builder that is so intensely focused on being the strongest but then it neglects to lift weights in preparation for competitions. In its quest to be the strongest body-builder, the school ONLY shows up at competitions and then wonders why it’s not taking home any trophies for top performance. The school doesn’t win a trophy because the muscles were not built in the learning zone to ensure a master performance in the moment of competition.

Know thyself…via the Enneagram

I just recently discovered the Enneagram. I am still unsure exactly what it is or what I think of it. So, naturally, I had to take the test to discover my “type.”

According to the free Enneagram test I took, I am:

• Type 8: The Challenger
• Type 7: The Enthusiast

These one-word descriptors can be expanded into four-word sets of traits. Keep in mind that these are merely highlights and do not represent the full spectrum of each type.

• Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
• Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.

Each type can, then, be expanded even further.

Type 8: The Challenger

Challengers are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective. Type Eights are bold, commanding, outspoken and aggressive (but sometimes they can be too domineering and overpower others).

How to get along with me:

• Stand up for yourself… and me.
• Be confident, strong, and direct.
• Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
• Give me space to be alone.
• Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
• I often speak in assertive ways. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack.
• When I scream, curse, and stomp around try to remember that’s just the way I am.

What I like about being an Eight:

• Being independent and self-reliant.
• Being able to take charge and meet challenges head-on.
• Being courageous, straightforward, and honest.
• Getting all the enjoyment I can out of life.
• Supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me.
• Upholding just causes.

What’s hard about being an Eight:

• Overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to.
• Being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence.
• Sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it.
• Never forgetting injuries or injustices.
• Putting too much pressure on myself.
• Getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right.

Type 7: The Enthusiast 

Enthusiasts are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

Type Sevens are adventurous, high-energy, resilient and enthusiastic (but sometimes they use fun to escape difficult feelings).

How to get along with me:

• Give me companionship, affections, and freedom.
• Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
• Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
• Don’t try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
• Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
• Don’t tell me what to do.

What I like about being a Seven:

• Being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down.
• Being spontaneous and free-spirited.
• Being outspoken and outrageous. It’s part of the fun.
• Being generous and trying to make the world a better place.
• Having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures.
• Having such varied interests and abilities.

What’s hard about being a Seven:

• Not having enough time to do all the things I want.
• Not completing the things I start.
• Not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career.
• Having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies.
• Feeling confined when I’m in a one-to-one relationship.

As you can see from the image above, the Enneagram forms a circle, of sorts, with interconnected points within. Each specific number/type does not exist in isolation but rather is instead interconnected with other numbers/types. Therefore, it is also important to consider your type combinations or “wings” and what those means.

What do I think about any/all of this? I think some of it is spot on. I think my husband should read it, discover his “type”, and then we should talk about it. Would make for an interesting date-night conversation.

I also think you have to know who you are in order to know how to curb some of the not-so-positive aspects of each type. Ironically, I’m working on controlling my temper while also working on being less controlling. Also, I have developed an expertise, teaching Spanish, but ironically am now interested in learning and become a master of something else for the next decade of my career. These two quests seemed to be linked to my type, so maybe there is something to the “science.”

 

Beginning again at the beginning. It’s humbling.

Many years ago when I was growing up in TX, I used to take piano lessons. In fact, I didn’t just take piano lessons, I also took theory tests and competed in competitions for both theory and piano. I had a pretty good working knowledge of music and most certainly could read it and play it on the piano. I loved it all. But not as much as soccer. So, one day I quit piano.

Fast forward a few decades and here I am not playing soccer and starting piano all over. I’m basically musically illiterate now and remember nothing but the vivid memory of how I used to be able to play the piano.

My goal for now is simple: to relearn how to play basic Christmas carols by the next holiday season. As I tell my students in Spanish class all the time, just because a language goal is simple it does not mean it’s easy.

I used to be able to read music or play from memory as I tickled the ivories with both hands simultaneously while thinking about something else entirely. Now, I feel accomplished if I can make my two hands move slowly in two different directions on the keys while intensely staring at the cheat sheet marked music. Sigh.

That’s the thing about being a beginner who has forgotten everything, you’ve got to start at the beginning even if you have been there already. It’s so humbling (read: and sometimes frustrating) to have to start from scratch. I am excited, though, because if I stick with it and work towards my goal, I cannot wait for the feeling of sitting around the piano with my kids singing Christmas carols come December.

I just have to start at the very beginning. After all, it’s a very good place to start.