This I Believe…

This I Believe was a five-minute CBS Radio Network program, originally hosted by journalist Edward R. Murrow from 1951 to 1955. The show encouraged both famous and everyday people to write short essays about their own personal motivation in life and then read them on the air.

This I Believe was a weekly radio series that began airing April 2005 in the United States on National Public Radio produced by Dan Gediman and Jay Allison. It was independently produced by Dan Gediman and Jay Allison from 2005-2009 for the non-profit organization This I Believe, Inc. The series invites individuals to write short essays about the core beliefs that guide their daily life. NPR aired these personal statements each week on their newsmagazine programs Morning EditionAll Things ConsideredWeekend Edition Sunday and Tell Me More. On the February 16 episode, Allison announced that “our series will be finishing its four-year run in April.” True to his word, the NPR series concluded on Sunday, April 26, 2009. However, the series continues with weekly segments on PRI’s Bob Edwards Weekend and Sirius XM’s The Bob Edwards Show.

(Above intro comes via Wikipedia)

Image result for this i believe book

I checked out the audiobook This I Believe- The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women via Overdrive from the CM Library. This was a GREAT listen for the commute to and from work. Each essay is no more than a few minutes each and the speakers vary between famous authors, politicians, writers, athletes to average USA citizens and immigrants. It toggles between recordings from the original CBS radio series in the 1950’s to submissions made for the more contemporary NPR series in the 2000’s.

Some of my favorite essays were: Isabelle Allende, Ben Carson, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Martha Graham, John McCain, Colin Powell, Jackie Robinson, Gloria Steinem, Margaret Sanger, Hellen Keller, Eleanor Roosevelt, Harold Hongju Koh, Cecilia Muñoz.

After finishing the audiobook, I was interested in listening more. 3-5 minutes of focused-intense listening is a surprisingly hard and rewarding practice. I found myself having to rewind various times because my mind had drifted and, although I’d been listening to the words the person had read from their essay, I had essentially missed what the person had actually said.

After a brief internet search, I found the This I Believe. ORG  website where you can search for essays by theme. For example, the “parenting” theme has 1,940 essays. I better get to listening. I have so much to learn from other’s experiences from and beliefs about parenting.

After listening to numerous essays composed by others, it’s clear to me that I am not sure what I believe. I don’t know if I could boil it down to one main idea at this time.

What do I believe?

I know that I cannot hear the words “I believe” without thinking of the Apostle’s Creed:

I believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit
and born of the virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried;
he descended to hell.
The third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended to heaven
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.

When I hear “I believe” I also sometimes begin to hear R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly”  or “I Believe” from the Broadway Musical The Book of Mormon playing in my head.

However, I’m sure that I would not use any of those things as the basis for my This I Believe essay.

I’ll keep listening to others and thinking about what it is exactly that I, myself, believe. Eventually, I want to see if I can boil down what I believe to less than 600 words in a cohesive essay. For now, I’m still digesting and learning from the beliefs of others. I am, after all, a learner.

Well, now that I think about it, I suppose I could say without a doubt and with conviction that…

I believe in learning.

Learning to talk so my kids will listen.

Image result for how to talk to little kids will listen

I just finished How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber and Julie King. I read the eBook from the CM Library via the Kindle app and had to start taking notes along the way before I got too far into the book and forgot the first chapters I read.

Overall, I appreciated this read because it offers loads of practical advice on how to better speak to and seek collaboration from your kids.

First of all, I want to make clear that my goal in day-to-day parenting my kids isn’t purely obedience from my sons. I do want them to listen to parents, teachers, and other adult role-models/supervisors and heed their requests. However, what I hope for more than that are two boys who know how to control their emotions, name them, respond to them, share them appropriately with others. Two boys who can self-regulate their actions and engage kindly and cooperatively with others even when no one is watching them or providing direction.

Second of all, as a parent I know that I am quick to become frustrated, to anger, to lose my temper. Therefore the first to-do for me is the next time my kid says/does something inflammatory, I want to try to follow these steps:

  1. Grit my teeth and resist the urge to immediately contradict him!
  2. Think about the emotion he is feeling.
  3. Name that emotion and put it in a sentence.

Honestly, this is something I should also try with my spouse. So often I get caught in number #1 and then that sends us down a rabbit hole of arguing.

The next to-do for me, especially when considering the morning/bedtime routines and rush, is to keep in mind that

“The best way to help a child ‘get over it’ is to help him go through it.”

The book is divided into 2 parts:

Part One: The Essential Toolkit

  • Chapter One: Handling Emotions
  • Chapter Two: Engaging Cooperation
  • Chapter Three: Resolving Conflict
  • Chapter Four: Praise and Appreciation
  • Chapter Five: Kids Who Are Differently Wired
  • Chapter Five and a Quarter: The Basics

Part Two: The Tools in Action

  • Food Fights
  • Morning Madness
  • Sibling Rivalry
  • Shopping with Children
  • Lies
  • Parents Have Feelings, Too!
  • Tattling
  • Cleanup
  • Doctor’s Order
  • Little Runaways
  • Hitting, Pinching, Poking, Punching, Pushing
  • Sleep
  • When Parents Get Angry!
  • Troubleshooting

PART ONE: The Essential Toolkit

Specifically, from Chapter 1–“Tools for Handling Emotions… What’s All the Fuss about Feelings?– When kids don’t feel right, they can’t behave right”

We are given the “Tools for Handling Emotions”

  1. Acknowledge Feelings with Words
    1. “You were looking forward to that playdate. How disappointing”
    1. It can be so frustrating when train tracks fall apart”
  2. Acknowledge Feelings with Writing
    1. “Oh no! We don’t have the ingredients we need! Let’s make a shopping list.”
    1. “You really want that underwater Lego set. Let’s write that down on your wishlist.”
  3. Acknowledge Feelings with Art
    1. “You seem sad” (Draw a stick figure with big tears, or simply had over a crayon or pencil)
    1. “You are angry!” (Make angry lines or rip and crumple paper)
  4. Give in Fantasy What You Cannot Give in Reality –> “I wish we had a million billion more hours to play.”
  5. Acknowledge Feelings with (Almost) Silent Attention –> “Ugh!” “Mmmm” “Ooh” “Huh”

We are also given some “Very Important Points”

  • All feelings can be accepted. Some actions must be limited!
  • Sit on those “buts.” Substitute “The problem is…” or “Even though you know…”
  • Match the emotion. Be dramatic!
  • Resist the urge to ask questions of a distressed child.

Specifically, from Chapter 2– “Tools for Engaging Cooperation… Feelings Schmeelings. She Has to Brush Her Teeth– Getting kids to do what they have to do”

We are given the “Tools for Engaging Cooperation”

  • Be Playful
    • Make it a game: “Can we get all the cars into the boxes before the timer beeps? Ready… set… go!”
    • Make inanimate objects talk: “I’m an empty sock. I need a foot in me!”
    • Use silly voices and accents: “I.. am.. your… robot… Must… buckle.. seat..belt…now”
    • Pretend!: “We need to climb this slippery mountain into the car seat.”
    • Play the incompetent fool: “Oh dear, where does this sleeve go? Over your head? No? On the arm? This is so confusing! Thank you for helping me!”
  • Offer a Choice
    • “Do you want to hop to the tub like a bunny or crawl to the tub like a crab?”
    • “I won’t let you cut my clothes. What can you cut?
  • Put the Child in Charge
    • “Johnny, would you set the timer and let us know when it’s time to leave?”
  • Give Information
    • “Tissues go in the trash.”
  • Say It with a Word (or a Gesture)
    • “Trash!” “Teeth!”
  • Describe What You See
    • “I see most of the blocks put away in the toy box. There are only a few blocks left to go”
  • Describe How You Feel
    • “I don’t like food thrown on the floor”
    • “I don’t like seeing children hurt”
  • Write a Note:
    • “Put me on your head before riding. Love, your bike helmet.”
    • “Kitchen closed until 7AM”
  • Take Action Without Insult
    • “I’m putting the paint away for now.  I can’t let you splatter the other kids.”

We are also given some “Very Important Points”

  • Don’t turn a choice into a threat. Make sure both options are acceptable to you and your child.
  • Appreciate progress before describing what’s left to do.
  • When expressing anger or frustration, use the word “I”, avoid the word “you.”
  • Express strong anger sparingly. It can feel like an attack.

Specifically, from Chapter 3–“Resolving Conflict”

We are given the “Tools for Resolving Conflict”

  1. Express Your Feelings… Strongly! –> “HEY, I don’t like to see people being pushed!”
  2. Show Your Child How to Make Amends –> “Your sister got scared on the top of the slide. Let’s do something to make her feel better. Do you want to offer her some pretzels? Do you think she’d like to play with your sand bucket?”
  3. Offer a Choice –> “We’re going to give the slide a rest for now. I can see you’re in no mood to wait for your turn. You can swing on the swings or you can play in the sandbox. You decide.”
  4. Take Action Without Insult –> “We’re heading home. We’ll try the playground another day. I’m too worried about children getting hurt right now (from throwing rocks/sand or pushing, etc.)”
  5. Try Problem Solving
    1. Step One: Acknowledge your child’s feelings –> “I can see that you don’t like your hand held in the parking lot. It makes your fingers feel squeezed.”
    1. Step Two: Describe the problem –> “The problem is, I worry about cars hitting children in the parking lot.”
    1. Step Three: Ask for ideas –> “We need some ideas so we can go back to the park and have a good time without people getting mad or scared. What can we do?”
    1. Step Four: Decide which ideas you both like –> “So you like the idea of holding on to my sleeve and leading me to the playground. Let’s circle that one (because you’ve been writing out a physical list with all the ideas– no matter how silly).
    1. Step Five: Try out your solutions –> “Here we are at the parking lot. Grab my sleeve and show me which way to go.”

We are also given some “Very Important Points”

  • If nothing is working, you may have to reconsider your basic expectations. Maybe your kid isn’t ready for this activity yet.
  • Show respect for the conflict. Don’t minimize the problem.
  • Remove the disputed object temporarily.
  • You don’t have to wait for the problem to occur in order to use problem-solving. When possible, plan ahead!

Specifically, from Chapter 4– “Tools for Praise and Appreciation… Not All Odes Are Equal– ways to praise that will help, not hinder.”

“the first rule of praise is that it’s not always appropriate to praise”

(much of this entry is actually a direct quote from the book, but I wanted to emphasize this one because my Sunday School class has been considering praise and what we should/should not praise our kids for and when praise is/ is not appropriate)

We are given the “Tools for Praise and Appreciation”

  1. Describe What You See –> “I see green lines that are zooming up and down the page. And look how they connect all these red shapes!
  2. Describe the Effect on Others –> “The baby loves it when you make those funny sounds. I see a big smile on her face.”
  3. Describe Effort –> “You kept working on that button until you got it into that little buttonhole.”
  4. Describe Progress –> “You sounded out each of the letters and you put them together. You read a whole sentence!”

We are also given some “Very Important Points”

  • Consider asking questions or starting a conversation instead of praising.
  • Sometimes acknowledging feelings can be more helpful than praise.
  • Give a child a new picture of himself.
  • Resist the urge to praise by comparison.

Specifically from Chapter Five and a Quarter– The Basics… You Can’t Talk Your Way Out of These– Conditions under which the tools won’t work

REMINDER: The Basic-Conditions Under Which the Tools Won’t Work:

  • Lack of food
  • Lack of sleep
  • Need for recovery time
  • Feeling overwhelmed (the last straw syndrome)
  • Lack of developmental or experiential readiness

PART TWO: The Tools in Action

Food Fights

Resist the urge to…

  • insist that your child clean his plate, eat a specific food, or eat a predetermined amount.
  • offer dessert as a reward for eating healthy food, or withhold it as a punishment for not eating.
  • be a short-order cook
  • label your child as a picky eater.
  • make good a battleground

Instead, you can…

  1. Acknowledge Feelings –> “even though you usually lie chicken, you’re not in the mood for it tonight.”
  2. Offer Choices –>
    1. Put an empty plate in front of your child and let him serve himself, or ask for what he wants if he’s too young to serve himself
    1. Serve some of the meal as simple separates so kids can make choices about what they put on their plates.
    1. Offer a simple alternative if kids don’t want the “grown-up” food– peanut butter sandwich, bread and cheese, hard-boiled egg, raw carrots.
  3. Manage the Environment –> keep sweets and sugary drinks out of sight. Make it easy to avoid temptation.
  4. Put the Child in Charge –> Let kids have as much involvement as possible in planning, shopping, as well as preparing the meal if you can tolerate some food landing on the floor
  5. Give Information –> Let kids know that “tastes change,” so they don’t feel stuck with their limited palate. Tell them, “you might want to give this a try when you’re ready.”

Morning Madness

  1. Be Playful –> (shoe talking) “I don’t want that foot in me. Nooooo!” (parent talking) “You’d better get on Luke’s foot right now. You’re making him late.”
  2. Offer a Choice –> “Do you want to walk to the car the regular way of backward?”
  3. Put the Child in Charge –> “Can you set the timer? I need you to let me know when it’s time to go out the door.”
  4. Try Problem-Solving –> “It’s not easy to remember all the things we have to do in the morning. What do you think about making a chart?”
  5. Acknowledge Feelings –> “It isn’t easy to get out of a warm, cozy bed. It’s nice to snuggle for a few more minutes!”

Sibling Rivalry

  1. Accept Feelings –> “It can be frustrating to have a baby sister!”
  2. Give Wishes in Fantasy –> Let the older child pretend to be a baby. “Come sit on my lap and be my super baby.”
  3. Describe What You See –> Notice an appreciate the positive interactions between siblings. “You figured out who to cheer up your sister when she was crying.”
  4. Put the Child in Charge –> So that he has an opportunity to see himself differently. “Can you pick a board book for the baby? She likes it when you read to her.”
  5. Reconnect With Your Child –>
    1. Plan for special one-on-one time -> “Would you like to make cookies when the baby takes her nap? Or snuggle up and read your pop-up books?”
    1. Tell the other child stories about his baby days –> “I remember when you…”
  6. Take Actions Without Insult –> Avid casting a child in the role of aggressor. “We need to separate. I don’t want anyone getting hurt!”
  7. Try Problem-Solving –> Resist the urge to take sides and don’t minimize the problem! “Jamie wants to build by himself and Kara wants to touch the blocks. This is a tough problem. We need ideas.”

Shopping with Children

  1. Put the Child in Charge –>
    1. Have him help make a shopping list and gather groceries to put in the cart.
    1. Give him an allowance: “You can bring your dollar to the grocery store in case you see something you want to buy for yourself.”
  2. Offer a Choice –> “Should we get the spiral pasta or the elbow pasta? You pick!”
  3. Acknowledge Feelings with a Wish List –> Don’t let them get everything they want but address their desires by putting it on a wishlist for special birthdays/holidays.
  4. Give Information-Let Children Know What to Expect –> “We’re going shopping for Elena’s birthday present today. Let’s bring the wish list in case you see something you’d like yourself.”

Lies

  1. Describe What You See –> Instead of asking or accusing, state the obvious. “I see chocolate on your face.”
  2. Describe How You Feel –> “I’m upset that the cake was eaten! I was going to serve it for dessert when our friends come for dinner tonight!”
  3. Acknowledge Feelings –> “It’s not easy to resist cake. I bet you wish you hadn’t eaten it.”
  4. Try Problem- Solving –> Make a plan for the future. “Next time you’re tempted, let me know. I’m sure we can find a way to help you wait.”
  5. Adjust Expectations –> Manage the environment instead of the child. Think to yourself, The next time I buy chocolate cake, I’ll put it out of sight until it’s time for dessert so it’s not so tempting.
  6. Help the Child Make Amends –> “We’re going to need something for dessert when our friends come over. Can you get out some cookies and arrange them nicely on a plate?”

Parents Have Feelings, Too!

  1. Express Your Feelings… Strongly! –> Instead of, “You’re being rude!” Try, “I don’t like being told I’m mean. It makes me mad.”
  2. Tell Them What They CAN DO Instead of What They CAN’T –-> “You can tell me ‘Mommy, I’m disappointed! I wanted to go!”
  3. Don’t Forget the Basics-Give Yourself and Your Child Time to Recover –> “I’ll talk to you about it after dinner. Right now I’m too upset.”

Tattling

  1. Acknowledge Feelings –> “Jenna didn’t like being poked. That hurt!”
  2. Help the Child Make Amends –> without scolding “Let’s get a broom and sweep up the mess.”
  3. Try Problem-Solving –> “How will we remember not to touch the stove dials? We need ideas? A sign?”

Shy Kids

  1. Acknowledge Feelings –> “It can be hard to walk into a new house filled with relatives. Lots of people want to say hello to you. That can feel scary.”
  2. Adjust Expectations –> Give a child something to do instead of pressuring him to be social. “You can carry in the chips and put them in the bowl for people to eat.”
  3. Offer a Choice –> “Do you want to sit on the couch and watch the kids set up the trains? Or do you want to have a snack with the grown-ups first?”
  4. Be Playful –> (Sock puppet talking) “Hi there! Would you like a corn chip?”
  5. Put the Child in Charge –> “Jamie will join you when he’s ready.”

Cleanup

  1. Be Playful –>
    1. (shoes talking) “Pretty please, put me in the closet with my friends!”
    2. “How many minutes will it take to toss all the Legos into the bucket? You can set the timer. Ready… set… go!”
  2. Offer a Choice –> “Do you want to be in charge of putting away the books or the cars?”
  3. Write a Note –> “Please hang me on the hook. Love, Your Coat.”
  4. Describe What You See –> “I see orange peels on the floor.”
  5. Give Information –> “Peels belong in the compost.”
  6. Say It With a Word –> “Coats! Peels! Shoes!”
  7. Describe Progress –> “You got that whole pile of dirty laundry in the basket! All that’s left to put away are the cars and books.”
  8. Describe What You See with Appreciation –> “Wow, look at this big cleanup you did. The floor was covered with dirty laundry and train tracks, and now it’s a pleasure to walk on.”

Doctor’s Order

Little Runaways

  1. Adjust Expectations: Manage the environment instead of the child –> Avoid outings that seem like fun but will be more stress than pleasure with a small child. There will be plenty of opportunities to see holiday decorations at the mall or enjoy an outdoor concert by the river when your child is a little bit older.
  2. Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings –> “You don’t like it when your hand is squeezed. You want to be free to look around.”
  3. Describe Your Own Feelings –> “I worry that drivers backing out of parking spaces can’t see children.”
  4. Offer a Choice –> “You can ride in the cart or you can help push.”
  5. Be Playful –> “We need to stick close together. It’s a jungle out there. I think I just saw the tail of a lion behind that car.”
  6. Try Problem- Solving –> “Let’s think of a secret signal we can use that means we have to get to each other as fast as possible.”
  7. Take Action Without Insult –> Grab your kid and go home. “We can’t stay here. I have to watch the baby and I’m too worried about losing sight of you by the river.”

Hitting, Pinching, Poking, Punching, Pushing

  1. Take Action Without Insult –>
    1. Make everybody safe. “We need to separate!”
    1. Attend to injuries. “Let me kiss that bump. Do you want a piece of ice for your head?”
  2. Express your Feelings Strongly –> “I don’t like seeing Isabel hurt!” “That makes me very upset!”
  3. Help the Child Make Amends –> “Isabel needs something to make her feel better. Can you find her a toy? Or do you think she’d like a strawberry?”
  4. Acknowledge Feelings –> “It can be very frustrating to have a little sister grabbing your things.” “It’s not easy to resist hitting or pushing when you’re mad.”
  5. Give Information –> “No pushing allowed in this house. Daddy is not allowed to push me. You are not allowed to push your sister, and she is not allowed to push you. And I am not allowed to push either of you— unless you need a push on the swing.”
  6. Try Problem-Solving –> “Sometimes your little sister can drive you crazy! What can a person do when his sister is bothering him? We need ideas.”

Sleep

When Parents Get Angry!

Troubleshooting

  1. When a child is too upset to cooperate, go back to Acknowledging Feelings“You don’t even want to think about visiting your friends another time. You were looking forward to going today!”
    1. Make sure your tone of voice matches the emotion –> “That’s so disappointing!”
    1. Try a grunt instead of words –> “UGH!” “Mmmph!”
    1. Put your child’s thoughts into words –> “Stupid legos! They should stick together and stay together!”
    1. Tell the story of what happened –> “You worked for a long time on that spaceship. yo used blue bricks for the base, and red bricks for the lights, and it was almost ready to launch! All it needed was the fins on the rockets…”
  2. Give your child Time To Recover (and give yourself a break!) –> “I can see how sad you are. I’ll be in the kitchen making dinner. Come join me when you’re ready.”
  3. Help a child climb out of the pit of despair by Acknowledging Feelings, Giving Information, and Offering Choices. –> “Oh no, the skin got ripped! That hurts! Good thing skin knows how to repair itself. it’s getting busy right now growing more skin cells to cover that poor knee and make it as good as new. How many days do you think it will take? What kind fo Band-Aid should we cover it with?”
  4. Take Action and stick to your values; if you regularly cave in to whining and complaints, the tools won’t work. –> “You wish we could have candy for breakfast! I’m putting it out of sight. The choices are cereal or eggs.”
  5. Check on “The Basics” –> Is your child lacking food or sleep, or feeling overwhelmed? Is your child developmentally ready to do what you’re expecting?

This is all a lot to digest. I vow to take it a little bit at a time and then revisit and try some more.

Here are some key takeaways I want to start with. I will try to incorporate these into my “mom” vocabulary:

  • use “as soon as…, we can..” instead of “if you…, then I’ll/we’ll...”
  • use “the problem is…” instead of “but...”
  • use “I don’t like seeing your brother hurt/pushed” instead of “you pushed your brother!”
  • use “you CAN…” instead of “DON’T DO…”
    • don’t yell you’ll wake the baby –> let’s use our whisper voices
    • don’t run in the parking lot –> hand-holding time!
    • don’t throw sand –> sand is for pouring and digging
    • don’t jump on the couch –> you can jump on the bean bag chair
    • don’t wiggle while I’m trying to tie your shoes –> time to freeze like a statue!

Here are some other key takeaways I want to start considering with my “mom” actions:

  • the first rule of praise is that it’s not always appropriate to praise
    • When a child is engaged in an activity, there is no need to disturb her concentration by looming over him and offering unsolicited comments
  • the punishments we mete out on our children give them a blueprint for how to approach conflict in their lives.
    • We have to ask ourselves if we want them to use these methods on their peers and siblings.
    • The key question is: how do we want our children to approach conflict? Do we want them to think about what they should do to the other person– take something away or inflict pain– or do we want them to think what can I do to solve this problem?

At the end of the book, in the works cited/bibliography section there were a number of resources I’m interested in reading at least parts of:

  • Liberate Parents, Liberated Children by Faber and Mazlish
  • Siblings without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish
  • Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful by Donna Goertz
  • Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
  • The Spirited Child by Kurcinka
  • Playful Parenting by Lawrence D. Cohen
  • Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
  • Punished by Rewards by Kohn

I finished this book during a week-long family vacation in Texas. This was a wonderful and challenging trip. Some challenges: We drove to Texas from North Carolina. We stayed at my dad’s house— which while it’s very low-key, it’s certainly not very 17-month-old or 3-year-old friendly. Some wonders: A week of fully family-focused time where we didn’t watch any TV, have any WiFi nor much cell reception at all.

Reading this book while living 24/7 care of my kids with all the challenges and joys reminded me that I have a lot of work to do, but that also sometimes I get it right.

Just like my kids 🙂

It’s not a cake but it is dessert that you can have for breakfast!

It’s not a cake but it is dessert that you can have for breakfast!

I made some banana bread while home with a sick kiddo today. We have a habit of buying bananas and 70% of the time we eat them all within a couple days of purchase, but the other 30% of the time they’ve turned brown and I need to find a good way to use them so they don’t go to waste (if all else fails our dogs love a squishy banana).

So, I’ve been planning to find

  1. A go-to banana bread recipe
  2. A go-to smoothie recipe that calls for a banana

Well, this morning at 9:07AM on a Monday morning I was home with a sick kid, 2 brown bananas and 4 yellow ones when this recipe arrived in my inbox.

So, figured now was as good a time as any to act on my plan.

Here’s the deets on the delicious banana bread

I can confirm that it was both quick and delicious.

Ingredients

  • 3 Medium Bananas mashed
  • 1/2 cup mayonnaise or dressing
  • 1 egg
  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans

I’m not going to lie. Seeing “Mayo” threw me for a loop and I had to do some light google research on mayonnaise in cooked breads before I moved forward, but I’m glad I did because this bread was also easy as the recipe title aludes to.

Speaking of recipe:

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350
  2. In a bowl mix together mashed bananas, mayo and egg. In a separate bowl combine flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and pecans

  3. Add flour mixture to wet mixture and stir just until combined. Note: The mixture will be very thick, do not over mix

  4. Pour into a greased loaf pan. Bake 60-70 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Ta-da! I only baked mine for 62 minutes and it was golden brown, cooked through, and delectable. I didn’t have nuts at home but we did have chocolate chips so, of course, I added those in. I like recipes that don’t require many out of the ordinary ingredients and ones where I can leave out what I don’t have and the end product is still scrumptious.

Now, to find a smoothie recipe… or perhaps the universe (or Spend With Pennies) will send one of those my way, too.

Humility? What is it and how do you instill or cultivate it in yourself or someone else?

Last month I listened to David Brooks’ The Road to Character on audiobook during my commute to and from work. This was a great audiobook for a drive— except for the introduction and last chapter which required acquiring a hard copy so that I could read and re-read to better digest its layered messages. The reason I enjoyed this book so much during my commute is that Brooks essentially used each chapter to simply tell a story. Throughout each chapter, he endeavored to tell the story of one particular figure from history in order to illuminate a “eulogy virtue” that person embodied in his opinion.

Brooks proposes to us that the conflict between  “resume virtues” versus “eulogy virtues” or “Adam I” versus “Adam II” is the base of our struggle in building character. In an article for The Atlantic, Brooks summarizes this virtue/Adam conflict in this way

“Adam I is the external Adam, it’s the resume Adam,” Brooks explained. “Adam I wants to build, create, use, start things. Adam II is the internal Adam. Adam II wants to embody certain moral qualities, to have a serene inner character, not only to do good but to be good. To live and be is to transcend the truth and have an inner coherence of soul. Adam I, the resume Adam, wants to conquer the world…. Adam II wants to obey a calling and serve the world. Adam I asks how things work, Adam II asks why things exist and what ultimately we’re here for.”

One of the key ideas that emerged from this book, for me, was the role of humility in this conflict to building character. Therefore, I did not find it surprising that last weekend when David Brooks’ book became the focus of our “Connections” Sunday School discussion that humility quickly emerged as an area of interest in our discussion.

As a result of that discussion and my comments on the topic, the dad who was leading the initial lesson– we are all moms and dads of young children in this Sunday school class– asked me to follow up next Sunday with some passages and perspectives on humility. Since I had read the book and the topic is of interest to me, I said that I was happy to help.

Here are some thoughts that are rattling around in my head and that I’m working through in preparation for next Sunday’s discussion:

First, in the two creation stories, Adam I is created by God in the same way God created the universe and its plants and animals– from a distance. Adam II is created from the dirt of the Earth and the Bible then tells us that God himself breathed life into Adam II. So, from the very beginning, I see a distinct difference in Adam II. God lives inside Adam II in a way that Adam I has never experienced or been aware of. For Adam I, God seems to only be an external, distance force. For Adam II, God is part of him and Adam II is more attuned to the fact that his very existence is dependent on the breath of life from God. I will circle back to this idea that humility has an essential element of dependency.

Second, from Brooks’ book, this passage on humble ambition really spoke to me. To me, humility is not at odds with ambition as it may seem when considering “resume virtues.” My former boss, although we didn’t always see eye to eye, I do agree wholeheartedly with one of her work mantras: “Stay humble and hungry.” She shares this mantra with me, and all faculty, as the key to what she looks for in successful teachers who add value to the school. I couldn’t agree more. I propose, and so does my boss and this passage from Brooks, that humility and ambition do not have to be at odds with each other. In fact, being humble can make you much more ambitious and effective. However, the key is that “eulogy ambition” is different than “resume ambition.” The former requires community with others– ideally with God first, then in communion with others such as family, marriage, friendships– and the latter seeks to highlight and claim all success as your own personal accomplishment as if life existed in a vacuum with only your name.

IMG_1959 (1).jpegWhen I first read this passage, it made me think of when I tried to explain to my father what I thought was the most compelling and convincing argument for getting and staying married. Marriage means that you are committing to being connected to and often dependent on someone else until death-do-you-part. After 14 years of an achievement-focused all-girls’ school education, it is sometimes hard to admit that I need a man’s, or anyone’s, help, but if you look at the facts of life it is true that we require each other. It is why people evolved to living in community with others rather than in solitary isolation. We need each other in order to be our best selves and we achieve more together than we could apart. After all, two heads are better than one, no? In some ways, the idea of admitting that you cannot and do not want to do this life alone requires humility and that you must confront head on that you are just a speck of dirt in the great scheme of the universe of creation. In fact, ‘humility’, derives from the Latin humus, ‘earth’ or ‘dirt’. Once you realize you are not you without God, without family, without your partner you open yourself up for greater energy, ambition, and success. Since you are not just you, your accomplishments are not your own. To me, this is the essence of humility.

This seemingly counterintuitive idea that dependency on God and others makes you stronger and more capable reminds me of a favorite quote of mine from Óscar Romero:

“We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.”

This idea is only counterintuitive if you are considering it as your Adam I self. Adam I was made by God and then looked out at the world and saw it as his to be conquered by him. If you, instead, look at this idea from the perspective of Adam II, the Adam who is aware that his very life is dependent on the breath of God, then it seems so simple and also incredibly empowering. Again, by admitting that we are dependent on others and that we cannot do it all we are then freed to do what we can and do it well and fully. We do not tire at the daunting, complex tasks that life puts before us but instead, we are imbued with energy and purpose from God and others to accomplish that which we can. We embrace humbly that we cannot, in fact, do it all– after all, we are but dirt, merely dust in the giant universe– and we are dependent on God for our initial breath in the moment of creation and in all tasks born out of that moment. Only when we are in intentional partnership with Him and others are we confident to do our part and put our faith in God and community to do the rest. Again, if the work of life is not fully ours then the glory of achievement does not fully belong to use either and must be shared humbly and happily with others. This is what I wish for my sons to learn and know. This is what I see and admire so deeply and passionately in my husband. I am grateful that I have chosen a life dependent on him and God. We are stronger, happier, hungrier, and humbler in community together.

Third, Brooks discusses what he calls “The Humility Code” in the last chapter of his book. It’s a detailed list of the “eulogy virtues” and his thoughts and explanations about them:

  1. “We don’t live for happiness, we live for holiness.”
  2. “The long road to character begins with an accurate understanding of our nature and the core of that understanding is that we are flawed creatures.”
  3. “Although we are flawed, we are also splendidly endowed… We do sin, but we also have the capacity to recognize sin, to feel ashamed of sin, and to overcome sin.”
  4. “In the struggle against your own weakness, HUMILITY is the greatest virtue. Humility is having an accurate assessment of your own nature and your own place in the cosmos.” Yes! Yes! Yes! Let’s read this whole passage again (see below #15)
  5. “Pride is the central vice… Because of pride, we try to prove we are better than those around us. Pride deludes us into thinking that we are the authors of our own lives”
  6. “Once the necessities for survival are satisfied, the struggle against sin and for virtue is the central drama of life… Contending with weakness often means choosing what parts of yourself to develop. The purpose against sin and weakness is not to ‘win,’ because it is impossible; it is to get better at waging it.”
  7. Character is built in the course of your inner confrontation. Character is a set of dispositions, desires, and habits that are slowly engraved during the struggle against your own weakness. You become more disciplined, considerate, and loving through a thousand small acts of self-control, sharing, service, friendship, and refined enjoyment.”
  8. “The things that lead us astray are short term– lust, fear, vanity, gluttony. The things that we call character endure over the long term– courage, honesty, HUMILITY. People with character… are anchored by permanent attachments to important things.”
  9. “No person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own… Everyone needs redemptive assistance from outside– God, family, friends, ancestors, rules, traditions, institutions, and exemplars.”
  10. “We are all ultimately saved by grace. The struggle against weakness often has a U shape… In retreat, you admit your need and surrender your crown. You open up space that others might fill. And grace floods in.” YES! YES! YES!
  11. “Defeating weakness often means quieting the self. Only by quieting the self, by muting the sound of your own ego, can you see the world clearly. Only by quieting the self can you be open to external sources of strength you will need.”
  12. “Wisdom starts with epistemological modesty” <— what the heck does this mean? And how does modesty differ from humility? Still digesting here. Have little clarity, but ironically that is, in fact, what this means. “We are generally not capable of understanding the complex web of causes that drive events. We are not even capable of grasping the unconscious depths of our own minds.”
  13. “No good life is possible unless it is organized around a vocation… A vocation is not found by looking within and finding your passion. It is found by looking without and asking what life is asking of you.”
  14. “The best leader tries to lead along the grain of human nature rather than go against it… Therefore the wise leader is a steward for his organization and tries to pass it along in slightly better condition than he found it.”
  15. “The person who successfully struggles against weakness and sin may or may not become rich and famous, but that person will become mature. It is not earned by being better than other people at something, but by being better than you used to be.

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When considering all of this from the perspective of a parent who wants to instill in her sons a reverence and self-driven desire for cultivating more “eulogy virtues” in their own lives, there are essentially four things I was my sons to learn and spend their lives struggling to reconcile:

  1. They are special in the eyes of God as a child of God.
  2. They are not the center of the universe and they serve a larger order.
  3. They are inherently flawed and will make mistakes.
  4. They know who they are and have established those selves on bedrocks such as Brooks’ “eulogy virtues.”

Perhaps more thoughts to come post-Sunday School discussion.

Want to perform better? Spend more time learning. Duh.

Want to perform better? Then spend more time learning. Duh.

It seems so obvious and so very clear. If you want to be better performing, then you need to spend more time learning and practicing and reflecting and less time performing.

However, when it comes to school and work in the USA, that is rarely the environment of the classroom or the office.

Eduardo Briceño gives a short 11-minute Ted Talk entitled “How to get better at the things you care about” where he elaborates on a relationship between what he calls the learning zone VS the performance zone.

In my school/work context, my Upper School World Language Department has spent the last 3 years prioritizing creating a low-stakes environment where students practice, practice practice with feedback, feedback, feedback in the learning zone BEFORE we ask them to perform. And even still, due to the nature of the USA high school schedule and the need for a robust grade book, where no one grade carries too much weight where all grades can be easily averaged and then those grades seamlessly communicated to colleges, we are constantly assessing them, asking them to perform. We are requiring them to be in the performance zone so often despite the fact that research shows that you grow and improve in the learning zone, not in the performance zone. Are we giving our students the necessary time and opportunity to learn and grow to their potential during their high school careers? No.

This image from Briceño’s Ted Talk is a particularly helpful visual when considering this question:

Image result for performance zone vs learning zone

Here you can see that the practice/feedback/reflection loop is essential in the learning-performing process. AND it is also essential that these two zones NOT be divided evenly. Schools, teachers, and employers should prioritize and give more time, and perhaps give more importance, to the learning zone if they are seeking higher rewards and performance in the performance zone.

This is not to say that the performance zone is not important. The goal of the cycle and of learning itself is so that we can DO, perform, show competence in and mastery of something. The performance zone is where you apply your skills, execute, try to minimize mistakes and achieve your best results.

But on the contrary, the learning zone is all about improvement. We focus on what we don’t know, experiment, learn and make mistakes in a low-risk setting, so we can learn from them and get better. The learning zone is where growth and innovation can happen. Without these two essential elements, you can never improve performance.  You will stay stagnant and eventually be surpassed by others– if you ever attained a level of mastery, to begin with.

Now, the question becomes how to prioritize the relationship between the two zones in a school/work environment that is focused on results, production, and performance? In my opinion, we can easily see this if we look at great musicians or athletes. They seem to get it. Stephen Curry spends hours and hours and hours practicing shooting sometimes literally hundreds of 3’s so that in the game situation he can perform and make a record number of 3-pointer shots in the performance zone, that is to say in a game. Curry isn’t held accountable for the shots he makes or misses during practice while in the learning zone. However, that practice directly affects his ability to perform at a high level in the performance zone. This sports analogy makes clear sense to us. When considering this example, it is not a struggle to understand the relationship between the learning and performing zones. Briceño himself uses a very clear example in his Ted Talk from the art/music realm citing the Queen, Beyonce, and her tenacity for reflecting on and learning from her performances so that she can practice and prepare better for the next. The key here is that her attention does NOT remain in the performing zone. Instead, it shifts quickly back to the learning zone.

Why, then, does this clarity fail to translate to the classroom and the academic culture we create for learning environment? If all Beyonce and Curry did was perform– and never engaged in purposeful practice with feedback and reflection– then they would be significantly less likely to be great, and definitely would not be able to maintain their greatness. The same is true for our students, no? If all they do is perform, then they, too, will never be masters. They, too, must spend copious amounts of purposefully used time in the learning zone.

Often, it’s as if a school is a body-builder that is so intensely focused on being the strongest but then it neglects to lift weights in preparation for competitions. In its quest to be the strongest body-builder, the school ONLY shows up at competitions and then wonders why it’s not taking home any trophies for top performance. The school doesn’t win a trophy because the muscles were not built in the learning zone to ensure a master performance in the moment of competition.

Know thyself…via the Enneagram

I just recently discovered the Enneagram. I am still unsure exactly what it is or what I think of it. So, naturally, I had to take the test to discover my “type.”

According to the free Enneagram test I took, I am:

These one-word descriptors can be expanded into four-word sets of traits. Keep in mind that these are merely highlights and do not represent the full spectrum of each type.

  • Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.
  • Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.

Each type can, then, be expanded even further.

Type 8: The Challenger

Challengers are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective. Type Eights are bold, commanding, outspoken and aggressive (but sometimes they can be too domineering and overpower others).

How to get along with me:

  • Stand up for yourself… and me.
  • Be confident, strong, and direct.
  • Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
  • Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
  • Give me space to be alone.
  • Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
  • I often speak in assertive ways. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack.
  • When I scream, curse, and stomp around try to remember that’s just the way I am.

What I like about being an Eight:

  • Being independent and self-reliant.
  • Being able to take charge and meet challenges head-on.
  • Being courageous, straightforward, and honest.
  • Getting all the enjoyment I can out of life.
  • Supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me.
  • Upholding just causes.

What’s hard about being an Eight:

  • Overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to.
  • Being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence.
  • Sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it.
  • Never forgetting injuries or injustices.
  • Putting too much pressure on myself.
  • Getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right.

Type 7: The Enthusiast 

Enthusiasts are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

Type Sevens are adventurous, high-energy, resilient and enthusiastic (but sometimes they use fun to escape difficult feelings).

How to get along with me:

  • Give me companionship, affections, and freedom.
  • Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
  • Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
  • Don’t try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
  • Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
  • Don’t tell me what to do.

What I like about being a Seven:

  • Being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down.
  • Being spontaneous and free-spirited.
  • Being outspoken and outrageous. It’s part of the fun.
  • Being generous and trying to make the world a better place.
  • Having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures.
  • Having such varied interests and abilities.

What’s hard about being a Seven:

  • Not having enough time to do all the things I want.
  • Not completing the things I start.
  • Not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career.
  • Having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies.
  • Feeling confined when I’m in a one-to-one relationship.

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As you can see from the image above, the Enneagram forms a circle, of sorts, with interconnected points within. Each specific number/type does not exist in isolation but rather is instead interconnected with other numbers/types. Therefore, it is also important to consider your type combinations or “wings” and what those means.

What do I think about any/all of this? I think some of it is spot on. I think my husband should read it, discover his “type”, and then we should talk about it. Would make for an interesting date-night conversation.

I also think you have to know who you are in order to know how to curb some of the not-so-positive aspects of each type. Ironically, I’m working on controlling my temper while also working on being less controlling. Also, I have developed an expertise, teaching Spanish, but ironically am now interested in learning and become a master of something else for the next decade of my career. These two quests seemed to be linked to my type, so maybe there is something to the “science.”

 

Beginning again at the beginning. It’s humbling.

Many years ago when I was growing up in TX, I used to take piano lessons. In fact, I didn’t just take piano lessons, I also took theory tests and competed in competitions for both theory and piano. I had a pretty good working knowledge of music and most certainly could read it and play it on the piano. I loved it all. But not as much as soccer. So, one day I quit piano.

Fast forward a few decades and here I am not playing soccer and starting piano all over. I’m basically musically illiterate now and remember nothing but the vivid memory of how I used to be able to play the piano.

My goal for now is simple: to relearn how to play basic Christmas carols by the next holiday season. As I tell my students in Spanish class all the time, just because a language goal is simple it does not mean it’s easy.

I used to be able to read music or play from memory as I tickled the ivories with both hands simultaneously while thinking about something else entirely. Now, I feel accomplished if I can make my two hands move slowly in two different directions on the keys while intensely staring at the cheat sheet marked music. Sigh.

That’s the thing about being a beginner who has forgotten everything, you’ve got to start at the beginning even if you have been there already. It’s so humbling (read: and sometimes frustrating) to have to start from scratch. I am excited, though, because if I stick with it and work towards my goal, I cannot wait for the feeling of sitting around the piano with my kids singing Christmas carols come December.

I just have to start at the very beginning. After all, it’s a very good place to start.

Want “smart” kids? I have no answers. I have only questions.

On my 40-minute commute to and from my job teaching Spanish at a private, affluent high school, I recently listed to Amanda Ripley’s The Smartest Kids in the World: And How They Got That Way via CD audiobook from the CM Library.

Image result for the smartest kids in the world and how they got that way

This work isn’t particularly current, published in 2014, but based on my personal experiences working for over a decade in a private school in the United States, to me, it often felt spot on and in a way timeless in the questions it posed regarding the structure, purpose, and outcome for formal education in our modern day.

Here is Amanda Ripley, a journalist & author, introducing her book and her investigative mission to explore, essentially, the geography of education and parenting. I enjoyed how this book weaved together data from the international PISA test, while also taking a deep dive into education reform and how formal education is structured in South Korea, Finland, and Poland. All the while Ripley took us on a journey walking alongside 3 specific USA students who chose to study abroad in high school in those respective countries– Eric, Kim, and Tom.

Here is another video that can give you a baseline for the data of PISA and introduce you to the “characters” of the book– the three USA students studying abroad in South Korea, Finland, and Poland.

Ripley set her sights on investigating South Korea, Finland, and Poland in particular because they, as her website says, “reveal a pattern of startling transformation: none of these places had many ‘smart’ kids a few decades ago. They had changed. Teaching had become more serious; parents had focused on what mattered, and children had bought into the promise of education.”

The author set out to explore what accounts for the great difference in what students learn in high school in the USA context both state to state and school to school, and why — despite educational reforms such as “No Child Left Beyond” or “Race to the Top“– our PISA results remain mostly unchanged while some scores soar in other countries. What accounts for the difference in what students learn in high school both across the USA and across the globe? People often cite these elements below as essential factors that limit students’ learning, but did that bear out in the data and the research?

Are the disparity and fluctuations due to:

  • Investment in education?
  • Child poverty rate?
  • Diversity in student population?
  • Teacher-student ratio?
  • Tracking of students?

Ripley doesn’t purport to be an expert by any means but by the end of the book, she does share some conclusions based on her year spent researching education. She holds that in successful education:

RIGOR IS KEY: This is perhaps the most important takeaway. Essentially, if you have low standards for your students, even from even a young age, the students will learn that they are capable of very little and come to expect that of themselves and of the educational system.

STUDENT BUY-IN IS ESSENTIAL: Why do kids in South Korea study so hard and continue to participate in this seemingly unhealthy “hamster wheel” style of education where everyone is organized by their public test scores? Why do kids in Finland not only keep coming to school diligently in their final (senior) year but also are consistently engaged learners and show up to their end-of-year exam dressed to-the-nines ready to show what they’ve learned? One key conclusion Ripley was able to draw after her in-depth research and conversations with students in various educational contexts was that: “to buy into school, kids need to be reminded of the purpose all day every day.” These high-stakes, end-of-school tests embued the entire school year with purpose. It was clear why the students were at school every day working hard: to learn so that they could score well on the end-of-school exam so that their high school diploma would mean something to universities and future employers. If students don’t buy into the promise of and need for education then no amount of reforms, imposed standards, incredible faculty, or money will make any difference.

TEACHER QUALITY IS ESSENTIAL: Why do kids in South Korea, Finland, and Poland learn more in their classrooms (or in their Hagwons in the case of South Korea) and perform better? According to Ripley’s research, because of better teaching with higher standards/rigor.

We already talked about standards/rigor. So, how do you get better teaching? Answer: Better recruit and better train your teachers. Apply that same standard of rigor to recruiting and training your teachers.

Through the Hagwon system, the best teachers can become rich due to popularity and attain certain celebrity status in their academic culture. How is “best” defined? The best teachers in that context rise to the top because of economic incentives and because students (or more accurately their parents) give their money to those teachers who have a proven track record of helping students produce results on the national exams. Remember, the best teachers in South Korea are, essentially, celebrities because of how hard they make students work and how well they help support students to achieve their academic goals and desired test scores. Sadly, in my decade+ years teaching in the USA, I can’t tell you how many times students say a teacher is the “best” simply because their class requires very little effort on the student’s part. In stark contrast to the accounts from South Korea, I have seen USA students venerate faculty for their lack of rigor, low expectations, and the ease that the teacher adds to the student’s academic journey.

The South Korean model is not exactly what I desire to emulate here in the USA, but I do think there is something positive to be said for valuing teachers who produce measurable results in our kids rather than those who help students waste their time in high school with little to show for time spent here beyond leisure and pleasure. I’d prefer that my kids have teachers who help them learn and prepare them for the working world— where knowledge of content and competence of skills matter– rather than teachers who simply help them get into college with high grades. These grades are not consistently backed up with adequate skills nor mastery of content knowledge. These teachers are teaching a mindset of lethargy and complacency, not curiosity and tenacity.

In Finland and Poland, school reform began not with high school or elementary school reform but rather first with teacher college reform. The smartest college majors apply to and get into the teacher’s colleges. Many applicants must apply various times before receiving acceptance. If you want to more consistently ensure similar standards across the nation for high schoolers at the end of 4 years of study, shouldn’t that begin with ensuring teachers are trained with that same idea in mind? That is not the case in the USA. There is a wide variance in who gets admitted to teacher colleges and what is learned– or even if a teacher is trained before starting in the classroom. I entered the teaching profession without having been trained– however, I did later pursue a masters degree in second language education. In fact, the first class I had ever taught was my guest lesson during my interview and I relied solely on my experience as a student to teach my lesson, not at all on any training I’d received in undergrad.  Once I secured the job, it was trial by fire and I learned a lot along the way, but when I think back on my first years in the classroom I know now that my students deserved better. If I had been better trained, I could have done better for my students from the start. I don’t see why reform in the USA couldn’t start here. As we train the next generation of teachers, why aren’t we raising the standards/rigor, the quality and consistency of training, and the top recruitment of our teachers? — and, of course, raising the pay, too, no?

TRACKING PLAYS A ROLE: Finnish and Polish school systems subscribe to the philosophy that tracking is helpful but should be delayed until students are about 16 years of age. Any tracking earlier in that should only be used to give students intense and tailored extra help to ensure they do not fall behind their peers. At 16 students can select into university or trade school/job tracks.

At this point, trade school tracks have essentially been taken out of most– if not all– US school systems (public and private). Interestingly, NPR just had a story related to this topic this week: High-Paying Trade Jobs Sit Empty, While High School Grads Line Up For University.

The Sout Korean school system doesn’t seem to track at all but the Hagwons certainly do and quite intensely. Again, I am not sure I am in favor of a system that tracks their students down to the minutia of each student knowing each other student’s ranking in the school/region/nation.

STUDENT FEEDBACK IS ESSENTIAL: In order to really understand what’s going on day in and day out in a classroom, classroom observations are not enough. Student feedback is essential. Ripley found that students are surprisingly candid and astute in their evaluation of their teachers. Student surveys should be an essential element in teacher PD, training, and decisions on retention. She suggests a Tripod style-survey with simple, straightforward questions that only students can answer. For exampleScreen Shot 2019-03-01 at 8.41.38 PM.png

What does all of this mean for our context?

Out of these findings, Ripley makes some general suggestions for change you can make now. You don’t have to wait for systems or governments in order to implement some small but key changes. Or at the very least she gives some suggestions to USA parents, who in many contexts can have a variety of choice in their child’s school.

SCHOOLS SHOULD INVEST IN PEOPLE OVER PROPS:

“In a world-class education, people always matter more than props.” I wish I saw that my school lived by this motto.

“Ignore shiny props”– The physical spaces, the schools and the classrooms, in South Korea, Finland, and Poland are relatively sparse and lacking in modern technology when compared with most USA school contexts. It was not the shiny thing that made the classroom a learning environment but rather it was the people– the students and the teacher.

From what I see, in the USA system parents and students are often drawn to a school because of it’s shiny props— big athletic stadiums, fancy auditoriums, state-of-the-art technology, beautiful dorms, etc. Education in the USA– at least private elementary- high schools and pretty much all institutions of higher education– are businesses. They need students to build a revenue stream and an operating budget. Shiny props attract people. But what are we sacrificing by subscribing to this system? Our children’s and our nation’s future?

Ripley has painted the clear picture that these educational systems in Finland, South Korean, and Poland have forgone shiny props in favor of academic results. They have invested in people. They have invested in their teachers and, according to PISA and first-hand student accounts, have found results.

PARENTS SHOULD SERVE AS AN EDUCATIONAL COACH:

The research showed that just because the parent was more involved in school, did not mean that the student performed or learned better. It depended more on the type of involvement. Assuming the role of the academic coach to your child had greater yields than serving as a sports supporter, on the PTA, helping with school fundraising, or any other school-support activity.

WHEN LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT SCHOOL, ALWAYS ASK “WHAT ARE YOUR SCHOOL’S WEAKNESSES:

This question will tell you more about the school culture than anything else on the school tour. Weaknesses? I assure you that every school has got them. And you want to know what they are. Are you paying $20,000 a year for a school that has a robust athletic program but a weak math and foreign language program? If the school self-identifies as such, then that tells you about the culture.

This is a question I will continue to keep in mind as I enter new academic systems and environments.

My family and I have dreams of living abroad one day– somewhere Spanish-speaking. I hope to teach in some school and send my boys to school while we’re living there, too. So, maybe years from now I’ll have a new perspective to add and can weigh in on rigor, student buy-in, teacher quality, student tracking, and student feedback from another cultural and geographical context.

Until then, I teach and learn on.