Can I Be a Member of the 5AM Club?

Never in my entire life, not even when I was a competitive figure skater and woke up early to practice on the ice BEFORE going to school, have I been a morning person. Just ask my mom how was the experience of making sure I was up and dressed for practice. Ask her how much conversation or joy there was in those early morning, before the light of day car rides to the ice rink. None. None is the answer.

In high school, my sister and I shared clothes, sports teams, and a wall but did not share evening or morning routines. She was an early morning riser. After a long day of school and sports practices, she often went to bed early in order to rise early and tackle her HW in the AM. I, however, would shower after sports practice and study until late into the night preferring to stay up to 2AM or later not wanting my head to hit the pillow until all the homework had been completed and the material I was studying firmly implanted into my brain. I was a night owl and I preferred it that way. Again, probably because of these perpetual late-night study sessions, mornings were NOT my thing. My sister drove us to school 100% of the time. I was in no morning condition to drive. Not ever. When she would make me go to school early so that she could meet with her calculus teacher before classes began for the day, I would simply catch some more zzz’s in the hallways while the school was empty and quiet. Mornings were for sleeping. Mornings were not for accomplishing anything.

In college, I am ashamed to admit it, but I sincerely paused before registering for an 8AM class. I had to have some strong convictions about that syllabus, a deep admiration for that professor, or the course was required for my graduation before I chose to enroll in an 8AM class.

After college, I took a job as an Americorps working for Habitat for Humanity as an on-site construction volunteer. Most days I had to be on the construction site by 7 or 8 AM and we lived about 35 minutes from the area where we worked. Needless to say, it was one year full of early mornings. Luckily, my roommate and coworker was just as much of a morning person as I was. That is to say, she was not either. We hardly spoke in the morning until we and the day had both warmed up. We quickly became great friends. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding 4 years later. Was that because we both hated early mornings? It definitely did not hurt.

After my year in Americorps wrapped, I took a job teaching high school Spanish. I don’t know if you’re aware, but when you teach school your day starts even earlier than when you attended school. Additionally, I lived about 40 minutes from my school and I was required by contract to be at school by 7:45AM. Years later when I had kids and was still working at the same school, I had to drop them off at their daycare by 7:00AM or I would be late getting myself to work. This means I would have to leave my house BEFORE 7AM!

Fast-forward to being a mom, and my firstborn, until about 6 months ago– and he’s 3.5, consistently woke up in the 5AM hour. I don’t even like to see the 6AM hour on my clock when I arise. My second born is a worse sleeper.

As you can easily see, I have never been able to escape early rising. I have a long pattern of fighting off the early mornings and always losing. So, I figured I’d take some advice from Maya Angelou to heart:

It’s time to consider changing my attitude towards mornings… and that’s likely to entail changing my habits, as well. Enter my New Year Intention for 2020 to “Be a Grateful Early Riser.” First, I change my perspective on rising early to gratitude. Then, I change my habits for early rising. Enter Robin Sharma’s book The 5AM Club: Own Your Morning, Elevate Your Life. 

This book contends that all great “history-makers” were early risers with shared focuses, habits, and truths.

The 4 Focuses of History-Makers

1. Capitalization IQ- “what makes a legendary performer so good isn’t the amount of natural talent they are born into but the extent of that potential they actualize– and capitalize.”
2. Freedom from Distraction- “An addiction to distraction is the death of your production… Your escalation requires your isolation… The solitude, silence, and stillness of daybreak also triggers the production of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. Automatically and naturally, you enter ‘The Flow State’… In some ways, the new technologies and social media are not only eroding the Everests of our glorious productive potential, they are also training us to be less human. We have fewer real conversations, fewer true connections, and fewer meaningful interactions… And as we give our attention to numerous influences we leave bits of our focus on each activity we pursue.”
3. Personal Mastery Practice- Maintaining the 4 Interior Empires: Mindset (psychology), Heartset (emotionality), Soulset (spirituality), Healthset (physicality).
4. Day Stacking- “As you live each day, so you craft your life… we are all so focused on pursuing our futures that we generally ignore the exceedingly important value of a single day. And yet what we are doing today is creating our future.”

“Small, daily, seemingly insignificant improvements, when done consistently over time, yield staggering results”

“Enhancing anything in your day, ranging from your morning routine to a thought pattern to a business skills to a personal relationship, by only 1% delivers a 30%– yes, 30%– eleveation only a month after starting. Stay with the program and, in just one year, the pursuit you’ve been focusing on has elevated 365%, at least. The main point I’m making here is concentrate monomaniacally on creating great days– and they’ll stack into a gorgeous life.”

The 5 Truths Behind Excellent Habits:

1. Truth #1: World-class willpower isn’t an inborn strength, but a skill developed through relentless practice. Getting up at dawn is perfect self-control training.
2. Truth #2: Personal discipline is a muscle. The more you stretch it, the stronger it grows. Therefore, the samurais of self-regulation actively create conditions of hardship to build their natural power.
3. Truth #3: Like other muscles, willpower weakens when tired. Recovery is, therefore, absolutely necessary for the expression of mastery. And to manage decision fatigue
4. Truth #4: Installing any great habit successfully follows a distinct four-part pattern for the automation routine. Follow it explicitly for lasting results.
5. Truth #5: Increasing self-control in one area of your life elevates self-control in all areas of your life. This is why joining the 5AM Club is the game-changing habit that will lift everything else that you do.

The 3 Values of Heroic Habit-Makers

1. Value #1: Victory demands consistency and persistency.
2. Value #2: Following through on what is started determines the size of the personal respect that will be generated.
3. Value #3: The way you practice in private is precisely the way you’ll perform once you’re in public.

The 1 General Theory of Self-Discipline Spartans: To regularly do that which is hard but important when it feels most uncomfortable is how warriors are born. 

“For most people ready to get up before daybreak, each day of this first phase is a hardship. They feel like giving up. They complain that rising early just isn’t for them. That they are not built for this routine and that it’s just not worth the pain.

My advice is simple: Continue at all costs. Persistency sits at the threshold of mastery.

Please also remember this rule: when faced with a choice, always chose the one that pushes you the most, increases yoru growth and promotes the unfoldment of your gifts, talents, and personal prowess. So, when you feel like quitting, perserve.

#1. To make a habit last, never install it alone.

#2. The teacher learns the most.

#3. When you most feel like quitting is the time you must continue advancing.”

So, then, how DO YOU install a habit?

And if/when I install the habit of waking up at 5AM every day, what should I do with the first hour while I’m in “The Flow State” away from distraction in order to stack together the best days into the best life? The answer is simple, “The 20/20/20 Formula”, of course!

“Journaling” has always felt kind of nebulous to me. As a kid I kept journals but I mostly just detailed what was going on in my life and my heart. The 5AM Club suggests this framework for developing a rewarding journaling habit:

Obviously, I’ll never succeed at flexing these 5AM muscles if I don’t also get enough rest. I know myself and I know that one of the reasons I despise mornings is because I love to sleep and that I require 7-8+ hours in order to feel rested and ready to tackle the day.  So, here is the 5AM suggestion for an optimal evening routine to balance out the 5AM wake up for the 20/20/20 routine:

Given all of these frameworks, motivating ideas, and specific suggestions, the essential question is this:

Can a 35 year morning hater reform her ways?

The jury is still out!

Currently, waking up at 5AM is something my kids still make me do and let me tell you there is no solitude, silence, or stillness in those 5AM wake-ups. I am learning to fill those 5AM wake-ups with joy and gratitude– despite my decades of rejecting the 5AM hour.

However, once they are consistently sleeping until 6AM (or later, fingers crossed), I think an Upholder like me has a fighting chance to become a member in good standing in the 5AM Club.

Stay tuned!

 

Truth (for me): “Discipline is my Freedom”

I just finished Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. It was a quick read and interesting if you’re looking to learn about how to create habits and motivate yourself to achieve a specific goal or meet internal or external obligations or expectations.

You can also listen to her interview on the intersection between the 4 Tendencies and FI (Financial Independence) here.

Here you can take the short quiz and receive a PDF telling you more about your tendency: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, Rebel. Here is Rubin’s crucial insight:

“Depending on a person’s repsonse to outer and inner expectations, that person falls into one of four distinct types:

Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations

Questioners question all expectations; they must meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified, so in effect they respond only to inner expectations

Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations

Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike”

For each Tendency, one question matters most:

• Upholders ask: “Should I do this?”
• Questioners ask: “Does this make sense?”
• Obligers ask: “Does this matter to anyone else?”
• Rebels ask: “Is this the person I want to be?”

When working with each Tendency in collaboration to achieve a goal or meet an expectation, here is how to reach the person best:

• Upholders want to know what should be done.
• Questioners want justifications
• Obligers need accountability
• Rebels want the freedom to do something their own way

When you encounter challenges, you’re more likely to be persuasive with each tendency if you invoke values that have special appeal to each Tendency:

• Upholders value self-command and performance
• Questioners value justification and purpose
• Obligers value teamwork and duty
• Rebels value freedom and self-identity

I am not sure I need additional suggestions on how to self-motivate to meet expectations because turns out that my tendency is… drumroll… an Upholder.

AN Upholder’s likely strengths include:

• Self-starter
• Self-motivated
• Reliable
• Thorough
• Sticks to a schedule
• Eager to understand and meet expectations

Possible weaknesses for an Upholder include:

• Defensive
• Rigid
• Often struggles when plans or schedules change
• Can seem humorless and uptight
• Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined
• Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision or discussion
• Demanding
• May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist

Much of this definitely resonates with me. Although, I don’t think I am quite so rigid about a schedule and needing rules. In fact, in that way, I think I learn more towards a Questioner often wondering why those rules need to be in place at all. And, I think that I can be humorous and flexible. But, I get the idea and definitely acknowledge that I see much of myself in this tendency.

When dealing with an Upholder (read: me):

• They readily meet external and internal expectations
• They’re self-directed, so they can meet deadlines, work on projects, and take the initiative without much supervision
• They enjoy routine and may have trouble adjusting to a break in routine or sudden scheduling change
• They hate to make mistakes, and because of that…
• They may become angry or defensive at the suggestion that they’ve dropped the ball or made a mistake
• They put a high value on follow-through
• They may need to be reminded that, unlike them, others aren’t necessarily comforted or energized by getting things done

When considering my career pivot from the perspective on my Tendency as an Upholder, I found this passage illuminating (although it’s not the first time that personality-typing has suggested something along these lines, see the 8’s strengths on the Enneagram):

“Upholders do well in roles that require people to be self-starters, such as starting a business, solo consulting, or freelancing because once they decide to meet an aim, they can work toward it without any supervision or accounability. Upholders have a deep capacity to make themselves do things they don’t feel like doing, which is invaluable for people who work for themselves and lack coworkers to help with the details or drudge work.”

I’ve been reading a couple books about side-hustling (100 Side Hustles: Unexpected Ideas for Making Extra Money Without Quitting Your Day Job), about the multipotentialite-life (How to Be Everything: A Guide for Those Who (Still) Don’t Know What They Want to Be When They Grow Up) and about the start-up life (Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future) and been thinking a lot about what I could do as a job in the non-traditional career sense. It’s not that I feel like I can’t work for someone else. Maybe instead it’s just that I’ve learned that I don’t have to.

When reading about the other 3 Tendencies I have to be honest that I struggled to identify with them. I often found myself thinking, “man, that seems like such an odd way to operate” or “jeez, I wonder what that is like?” I mention this because being an Upholder is not nearly as common as being an Obliger or a Questioner (being a Rebel is least common of all). Therefore, I have to be cognizant of the fact that the majority of people that I interact with, in my personal and professional life, will probably be asking these same two questions about me and my Tendency 🙂

On to the next item on my To-do List!

I think I must be an Einstein or a Phoenix

I must be an Einstein or a Phoenix. And I’m definitely a “Multipotentialite” trying to do everything in a career-track world. And therefore, basically, doing nothing… or so it may seem.

These terms (an Einstein, a Phoenix, a Multipotentialite) come from Emilie Wapnick’s book How to Be Everything: A Guide For Those Who (Still) Don’t Know What They Want to Be When They Grow Up.

Here’s her Ted Talk to give you some context without reading this book.

Here’s also another blog with a nice summary linking to other books and resources.

Also, Wapnick often sites Barbara Sher’s book Refuse to Choose which might be worth checking out according to some reviews of the two books.

In Wapnick’s book she outlines what a Multipotentialite is:

A person who has many different interests and creative pursuits in life. Multipotentialites have no “one true calling” the way specialists do. Being a multipotentialite is our destiny. We have many paths and we pursue all of them, either sequentially or simultaneously (or both).”

And then she dives into and describes in detail the four types of Multipotentialites:

1. A Group Hugger
2. A Slasher
3. An Einstein
4. A Phoenix

I identified mostly closely with the Phoenix. And the Einstein also sounded like me in my 12-year teaching career– except I discovered that teaching, for me, wasn’t a “good enough” job because it kept spilling into all my evenings, weekends, and even into some summers.

For any Multipotentialite, Wapnick first asks us to build a list of our varied interests (which also includes any skills or areas of achievement). When creating this list it felt like I was writing down anything I had ever been curious about, anything I had ever tinkered with, and anything that I had ever had a modicum of success with.

My master list of interests:

• Reading
• The Spanish language and its cultures
• Yoga
• Running
• Dog walking
• Doggie daycare
• Travel agent
• Babysitting
• Cultural exchanges
• Tour guide
• Frugality
• Journaling
• Medical missions
• Blogging
• Summer camp counselor
• Religion
• Curriculum design
• Documentary films
• Travel– local and international
• Minimalism
• Photography
• Hiking
• Sauntering/Walking
• Comedy
• Teaching
• Museums
• Community events
• Playing field hockey
• Farmers markets
• Skiing
• Kayaking
• Playing softball
• The Four Tendencies (Upholder)
• Coffee
• Camping
• Houseplants
• Leadership
• Attending lectures/speaker series
• Barre
• Kids (mine mostly, but others ain’t bad either)
• Elementary education
• CrossFit
• Thrift shopping
• Taking classes/Formalized learning
• Writing
• Wine/Cocktails
• Coaching & watching & playing soccer
• Meditation
• Food/Restaurants
• Social networking
• Hiring & Team-building
• Linguistics
• Spanish interpretation and translation
• Paralegal
• Poetry
• Mentorship
• Theatre (attending more than performing, although I have done a tiny bit of that)
• Escape room player & owner
• Therapeutic massage
• State/National Park Ranger
• Habitat for Humanity & Affordable housing
• Nursing
• Board games
• Trees
• Space & Being an astronaut
• Story telling
• Interior design
• Gospel choir
• Mythology
• Crossword puzzles
• Architecture
• Gardening
• Strengthsfinder (Responsibility, Achiever, Includer, Learner, Self-Assured)
• Country music
• Redoing furniture
• True Colors (Orange, Green)
• Project management
• Piano
• BBQ (TX > NC)
• Home renovation
• The Enneagram (8W7)

Now, I’ll have to cross out my “dead” interests, the ones I have no interest in pursuing again anytime soon, and star the ones I find especially exciting right now.

After taking an exhaustive inventory of ALL THE THINGS I’m interested in, I take a look at the two types of Multipotentiality that resonated most with me.

The Einstein Approach

Considering my skills, interests, and goals what might my life look like if I used the Einstein approach and really found a job that was “good enough”?– meaning I was able to excel at my job AND prioritize my free time to pursue and relish in all my other varied interests.

Again, for me, teaching was not that.

So what might be that? Make a list of possible “good enough jobs”. Careers that are considered practical often make good “good enough” jobs.

For each potential job I’ll ask the following questions:

• Would this job provide me enough income to meet my financial goals?
• How many hours of my week would his job occupy?
• Would his job be creatively, emotionally, or physically draining?
• Would his job provide me with opportunities to learn at work?
• Does this job sound like fun?
• Do I foresee myself liking my employer, my colleagues, and environment in which I would be working?
• Is this job different enough from the other projects I would like to pursue? Does it use different skills and modes of thought?
• What would my day and week look like if I were to have this job and engage with my other passions on the side?
• Is this schedule compatible with my “perfect day”

Make a list of possible “good enough” businesses. Then take a look at my master list and ask myself these questions:

What skills do I have that people might pay me for? (Remember, financial stability is a key cornerstone of the Einstein Approach)

How lucrative are these skills? How well does/can this skill pay?

To what extent is this skill in demand?

How rare is this skill?

Is there a specific niche I can fill or an audience to address?

My Action Steps:

• Contact someone in a profession you’re considering and ask them about the day-to-day realities of their job
• Practice or improve one of your potentially lucrative skills
• Revise your resume so that it reflects your skills and experience for a “good enough” job that you’re serious about goin for.

The Phoenix Approach

This approach is characterized by working with intense curiosity in a single industry for several months or even years and then shifting gears and starting a new career in a new industry. Thus, the symbol of the Phoenix who burns itself down and then rises anew from its own ashes certainly applies here. The Phoenix explores her passions sequentially rather than simultaneously (as the Slasher or the Group Hugger does). Phoenix’s love to go deep but still need challenge and variety.

These Phoenix transitions are not as random as they may seem from the outside. There are common themes, threads, and “whys?” that run throughout. At points prior to transitions, a Phoenix needs to stay in touch with her levels of boredom and loathing of her current career path so that she can gracefully commence her transition to a new one without burning any bridges in the process.

I’m nodding my head “yes!” as I read and write all of this. Socially, or maybe vocationally is more accurate, I always felt like a square peg in the round high school teaching hole. Everyone was always talking about a “calling” to teach and I was just in it Aug-June, M-F, 7:45-3:45 (or later if I was coaching or had meetings). But… I was also there for the deep dive into second-language pedagogy, best practices for the student-learner, stimulating and comprehensible authentic cultural materials, coordinated and aligned curriculum design, and a shared framework and practices among our the educators of our US WL Department. I knew not of any of these things until I started a deep dive into WL instruction and pursued my Masters degree in this field after a handful of years in the classroom. All the while, though, I felt different than my colleagues because every year at contract time I wondered, “was it time to burn it all down and start anew?”

Fast forward to now and…

Now it is time to reinvent myself.

Some tips for a smooth transition:

Reach out to your existing network. There’s nothing as strong as a positive recommendation to a future employer from someone they trust. Do you know anyone who works in that industry or have friends who are natural connectors?

Expand your network. Go to events related to your new field of interest and try to meet new people.

Volunteer. It can give you practical experience and meet people working in the industry who know about job openings and can serve as your recommendation down the road.

Do free work. This is particularly helpful with freelance work. Find someone you want to work for or who is working in industry you want to break into and offer to do some of their work for free. Be specific on how you will help and how you can add value to their business or brand.

Take a class. Get some training on a skill you will need for working in your new industry.

Highlight your transferable skills. You might be breaking into a new industry but you’ve got years of valuable experience cultivating useful skills.

Truth be told, I think I’m a Phoenix who wants to be an Einstein. We’ll see where the next fire takes me.

My 20 for 2020

I really like new year traditions. I love champagne and fireworks. I love looking back over all that the old year encompasses. I love how the new year encourages us to look ahead, set a goal, and meet it (or sometimes forget all about it or intentionally abandon it along the way if it no longer serves us).

In the past couple of years I’ve tried to pick no more than 3 simple intentions, (I like calling them intentions rather than resolutions) and doing all I can to stay true to them.

In 2019 my 3 intentions were:

1) Be a Reader — a success if I do say so myself

2) Be a Saunterer— with our little kids I didn’t visit and saunter in as many state parks as I would have enjoyed but I did get into the habit (sometimes forced habit due to no naps) of walking in local parks and all over our neighborhood at least a handful of times each week.

3) Be a Napper — an epic, epic fail. I honestly, no matter how tired I am, have a really hard time falling asleep to nap… unless I’m the passenger riding shotgun in the car. Ohhhh! So that’s where my kids get it!

For 2020, my intentions are:

1) Be a Racer-– I commit to registering for, training for, and (re)running those “races I’ve always wanted to run.”

5K- Runway 5K CLT Airport (October)

8K- Team Summit Foundation Leprechaun Loop (March)

10K- Cooper River Bridge Run (April)

1/2 Marathon- Rock N Roll Half Marathon in Savannah (November)

2) Be a Meditator— I’ve read about the benefits of a meditation practice over and over. Even a short 10 minutes a day can be beneficial. I commit to a short daily practice.

3) Be a Grateful Early Riser— It’s clear in this stage of life I’m not going to sleep in… ever. So, I commit to embrace it. Stop complaining about being woken up. Love on my kiddos in the early AM. Develop a rewarding morning routine that’s good for us and for me.

3 intentions is probably more than I can actually successfully tackle in a year, and I don’t want to add more to my mind, schedule, or plate. But I still like the idea of setting up smaller, more-focused, detailed goals of things I want to accomplish and commit to in 2020.

Enter Gretchen Rubens 20 in 2020

Without further ado and in order to create accountability for myself, here are my 20 in 2020:

1. Stay committed to a consistent yoga practice
2. Learn to foam roll
3. Read, read, read– not gonna set a book goal
4. Update via Instagram and blog each month on what I’ve been reading
5. Finish our family recipe book
6. Enjoy using up all my face masks
7. Visit the dermatologist for base-line skin check
8. Arm exercises
9. Write letters
10. Re-de clutter our house
11. Clean out and deep clean inside of our cars
12. Make a podcast
13. Create a rotating picture wall in living room
14. Weekly walk
15. Watch one documentary a month
16. Plant our garden 2.0
17. Calculate our FI number/year and make some higher savings plans
18. Research and try out some cheap travel & credit card travel hacks
19. Visit family
20. Tackle one house project every quarter

As I’ve apparently inadvertently taught my 2-year-old to say, “let’s do this!”, 2020!

365 Days Of Free Reading

January 1, 2019, I set the new year’s intention to “be a reader.” I’ve always enjoyed reading, but I realized that my reading was usually directed and selected by others. For the first time in my adult life, I committed 365 days to “being a reader” without a syllabus, professor, or boss.

Thank you to the Charlotte Mecklenburg Library and their apps for making this year of rewarding, frugal reading possible.

I’ll continue being a reader in 2020 and beyond. For now, I’d like to categorize what I read during this 2019 intention and share some of what I’ve learned. Until writing out this list below I had not kept count of how many books I’d read during 2019. Now I know that number is: 90.

Here’s a list, in chronological order, of what I read and salient quotes from some titles sharing what I thought were the core messages or reminding myself what I liked about it when reading:

1. The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
2. The Vanishing American Adult: Our Coming of Age Crisis and How to Rebuild a Culture of Self-Reliance by Ben Sasse
3. The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty
4. The Most Important Years: Pre-Kindergarten and the Future of Our Children by Suzanne Bouffard
5. Slow: Simple Living for a Frantic World by Brooke McAlary
6. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi: “So what tense am I living now?”
7. The Library Book by Susan Orlean
8. Sitting Still Like a Frog: Simple Mindfulness Practices to Help Your Children Deal with Anxiety, Improve Concentration, and Handle Difficult Emotions by Eline Snel
9. Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon a Project, Read Samuel Johnson, and My Other Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life by Gretchen Rubin: “I am living my real life, this is it. Now is now, and if I wanted to be happier, waited to have fun, waited to do the things that I know I ought to do, I might never get the chance.”
10. The Road to Character by David Brooks
11. The Smartest Kids in the World and How They Got That Way by Amanda Ripley
12. Do Over: Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work, and Never Get Stuck by Jon Acuff
13. Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff
14. Educated by Tara Westover
15. This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women
16. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life With Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King
17. How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character by Paul Tough: “But in fact, this science suggests a very different reality. It says that the character strengths that matter so much to young people’s success are not innate; they don’t appear in us magically, as a result of good luck or good genes. And they are not simply a choice. They are rooted in brain chemistry, and they are molded, in measurable and predictable ways, by the environment in which children grow up. That means that the rest of us– society as a whole– can do an enormous amount to influence their development in children.”
18. The Power of Habit: Why We Do In Life and In Business by Charles Duhigg: “Habits are powerful, but delicate. They can emerge outside our consciousness or can be deliberately designed. They often occur without our permission but can be reshaped by fiddling with their parts. They shape our lives far more than we realize– they are so strong, in fact, that they cause our brains to cling to them at the exclusion of all else, including common sense.”
19. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz: ” But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.”
20. Failing Up: How To Take Risks, Aim Higher, and Never Stop Learning by Leslie Odom: “Who are you dreaming for today?”
21. Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don’t by Jim Collins: “What is your Hedgehog Concept”
22. Surprise Me by Sophie Kinsella: “Love is finding one person infinitely fascinating. And so… not an achievement, my dear. Rather, a privilege.”
23. Eat That Frog: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy: “Rule: It’s the quality of time at work that counts and the quantity of time at home that matters.”
24. Hole In My Life by Jack Gantos
25. About Alice by Calvin Trillin
26. The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon: “Remember, you only have one ride through life so give it all you got and enjoy the ride” & “Thoughts are magnetic: What we think about we attract.”
27. Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
28. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will To Lead by Sheryl Sandberg: “So please ask yourself: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? And then go do it.”
29. Dark Horse: Achieving Success Through the Pursuit of Fulfillment by Todd Rose and Ogi Ogas: “What are your Micro-Motives?”
30. Niel Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiography by Niel Patrick Harris
31. The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World by Melinda Gates: “When women can decide whether and when to have children, it saves lives, promotes health, expands education, and creates prosperity– no matter what country in the world you’re talking about.” & “…contraceptives are the greatest life-saving, poverty-ending, women-empowering innovation ever created.” & “In fact, no country in the last fifty years has emerged from poverty without expanding access to contraceptives.”
32. The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff: “While Eeyore frets… and Piglet hesitates… and Rabbit calculates.. and Owl pontificates… Pooh just is.” & “When you discard arrogance, complexity, and a few other things that get in the way, sooner or later you will discover that simple, childlike, and mysterious secret known to those of the Uncarved Block: Life is Fun.” & “The main problem with this great obsession for saving time is very simple: you can’t save time. You can only spend it. But you can spend it wisely or foolishly.”
33. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott: “… most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around you.” & “The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.” & “It’s funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools– friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty– and said ‘do the best you can with these, they will have to do.’ And mostly, against all the odds, they do.”
34. The Map of Knowledge: A Thousand-Year History of How Classical Ideas Were Lost and Found by Violet Moller
35. The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis
36. How To Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki: “TRICK- Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness” & “Learning comes when students [kids] are willing to take risks. Otherwise, it is called memorizing.” & “As parents, we can’t brush off kindness as some nice-sounding but unnecessary skill. It’s at the heart of what parenting really is: bringing children into the world and hoping they’ll make it a better place.”
37. Imagine It Forward: Courage, Creativity, and the Power of Change by Beth Comstock: “To be innovative you have to learn to be comfortable with some level of ‘maybe’.” & “You don’t just live a life; you blunder your way toward creating one you love.” & “Don’t tell me you’re not empowered. There is power that is yours. Use it. Grab your own permission. No one is going to give it to you.”
38. The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey: “Testing limits is a way of testing independence, and that’s a good thing, even if it makes us want to stick a fork in our heads. It’s exhausting, yes, but it’s a necessary part of creating independent kids. One way to make this testing easier is to establish clear expectations and employ consequences when those expectations are not met.” & “… the research of Deci and others is clear: any strategy that undermines autonomy is probably not going to work if long-term learning is the goal.”
39. The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers by Ben Horowitz: “Take care of the people, the products, and the profits– in that order.” & “Spend zero time on what you could have done, and devote all of your time on what you might do.” & “Watered-down feedback can be worse than no feedback at all because it’s deceptive and confusing to the recipient.”
40. My Utmost For His Highest by Mac Lucado
41. Becoming by Michelle Obama: “Time, as far as my father was concerned, was a gift you gave to other people.” & “Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child– What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.” & “Kids wake up each day believing in the goodness of things, in the magic of what might be. They’re uncynical, believers at their core. We owe it to them to stay strong and keep working to create a more fair and humane world.”
42. A Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In The Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes: “If I don’t poke my head out of my shell and show people who I am, all anyone will ever think I am is my shell.” & “Being a mother is not a job. Stop throwing things at me. I am sorry but it is not. I find it offensive to call being a mother a job. Being a mother isn’t a job. It’s who someone is. It’s who I am. You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother defines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-to-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever. Being a mother yanks our hearts out of our bodies and attaches them to our tiny humans and send them out into the world, forever hostages.” & “Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.”
43. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson: “It’s amazing, and also a little strange, how many things we accumulate in a lifetime.” & “The one thing we know for sure is that we will die one day. But before that, you can try to do almost anything.” & “Did the Vikings know the real secret of death cleaning? Sometimes I think it must’ve been much easier to live and die at the time of our ancestors, the Vikings. When they buried their relatives they also buried many objects together with the body. This was to be sure that the dead would not miss anything in their new environment. It was also an assurance for the family members who remained that they would not become obsessed with spirits of the dead from constantly being reminded of them by their possessions being all over the tent or mud hut. Very clever. Can you imagine the same scenario today? With that skräp, Swedish for junk, that people have now, they would have to be buried in Olympic-sized swimming pools so that their stuff could do with them.”
44. Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter & Organize to Make More Room For Happiness by Gretchen Ruben: “Having less often leads us to use our things more and with more enjoyment because we’re not fighting our way through a welter of unwanted stuff.” & “Outer order isn’t a matter of having less or having more; it’s a matter of wanting what we have.” & “It’s more useful to think about ‘accessibility’ rather than ‘storage’.” & “The best guide to the future is the past. If you haven’t used that thing since you acquired it, it’s unlikely you’ll start now.” & “Mise en place.”
45. A Full Life: Reflections at Ninety by Jimmy Carter
46. In Pieces by Sally Field: “To be excellent at anything, it must cost you something.” & “What I do know is this: How you care for your child from the time they are born until they’re eighteen is important, but who you are as a person and a parent for as long as you live also counts, and counts one hell of a lot.”
47. Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts by Brené Brown: “If you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities.” & “We have to be able to take feedback– regardless of how it’s delivered– and apply it productively. We have to do this for a simple reason: Mastery requires feedback. I don’t care what we’re trying to master– and whether we’re trying to develop greatness or proficiency– it always requires feedback.”  & “Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.”
48. Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis: “You have the ability to change your life. You’ve always had the power, Dorothy. You just have to stop waiting for someone else to do it for you. There is no easy way out of this; there is no life hack. Just you and your God-given strength and how much you desire change.” & “Your life is supposed to be a journey from one unique place to another; it’s not supposed to be a merry-go-round that brings you back to the same spot over and over again.” & “Nothing is wasted. Every single moment is preparing you for the next. Buth Whether or not you choose to see this time as something wonderful– the time when God is stretching you and growing you or maybe forging you in fires hotter than you think you can withstand– all of it is growing you for the person you’re becoming, for a future you can’t even imagine.”
49. Less: A Visual Guide to Minimalism by Rachel Aust: “Minimalism is unsubscribing from the idea that how much you own equates to your level of happiness.”
50. Wolfpack: How to Come Together Unleash Our Power and Change the Game by Abby Wambach: “Women haven’t yet accessed the power of failure. When it comes, we panic, deny it or reject it outright. Worst-case scenario, we view failure as proof we were always unworthy imposters. Men have been allowed to fail and keep playing forever. Why do we let failure take us out of the game? Imperfect men have been empowered and permitted to run the world since the beginning of time. It’s time for imperfect women tot grant themselves permission to join them.” & “Leader is not a title the world gives you– it’s an offering that you give to the world.” & “NEW RULES: 1) Create your own path 2) Be grateful for what you have AND demand what you deserve 3) Lead now– from wherever you are 4) Failure means you’re finally IN the game 5) Be FOR each other 6) Believe in yourself. Demand the ball 7) Lead with humility. Cultivate leaders 8) You’re not alone. You’ve got your Pack.”
51. This Is The Story Of A Happy Marriage by Ann Parchett: “There are always those perfect times with the people we love, those moments of joy and equality that sustain us later on. These moments are the foundation upon which we build the house that will shelter us into our final years, so that when love calls out, ‘How far would you go for me?’ you can look it in the eye and say truthfully, ‘Farther than you would ever have thought was possible.'”
52. There Are No Grown-Ups: A Mid-Life Coming of Age Story by Pamela Druckerman: “Though I’m winging it, I’ve realized that everyone else is, too. Parenting starts out as a concrete project. You’re full of ideas about how to share your children. But you end up with this jellyfish of a family that you can’t control exactly. All you can do is warm the waters and nudge it in the right direction.” & “Femme Libre… In a common French narrative, a woman’s 20’s and ’30s are the period when she does what’s expected, but by her 40’s she becomes increasingly free by doing what truly suits her.” & “There’s something very grown up about the free woman. She has gravitas and a sense of purpose. She can make things matter and yet she doesn’t take herself too seriously. She’s at ease in her own body and she knows how to experience pleasure. It’s not a bad thing to aim for– even if you’re not French.”
53. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain: “How did we go from ‘character’ to ‘personality’ without realizing that we had sacrificed something meaningful along the way?” & “The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk. Use your natural powers– of persistence, concentration, and insight– to do work you love and work that matters. Solve problems, make art, think deeply.” & “I had always imagined Rosa Parks as a stately woman with a bold temperament, someone who could easily stand up to a busload of glowering passengers. But when she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was ‘timid and shy’ but had ‘the courage of a lion.’ They were full of phrases like ‘radical humility’ and ‘quiet fortitude’.” & “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
54. You Are Not Special: And Other Encouragements by David McCullough, Jr.: “And read… read all the time… read as a matter of principle, as a matter of self-respect. Read as a nourishing staple of life.” & “Bookes, for example, the accrued capital of the human experience, all the wealth of the human mind, books help you think bigger and better, therefore you are bigger and better. You should read, then, all the tie, wherever your interests take you. It’s too important not to.” & “Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying byproduct. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things.”
55. The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron: “Eights have more energy than any other number on the Enneagram. They are fiery, zestful, earthy, full-throttle people who drink life down to the dregs and then slam their glass down and order a second round for everyone else at the bar.” & “That’s how it is with Eights. They’ll respect you if you hold your ground with them, and once the confrontation is over, it’s as if nothing happened.” & “You also need to keep them active. Eight is like a puppy who’s been cooped up in the house all day: keep [her] busy or [she’ll] gnaw everything in your house down to the studs.” & “They’re finite creatures trying to measure an overfull tank of infinite desires. That’s a lot to manage. When contained correctly, their fire can safely welcome and warm people. But like all fire, if not surrounded with a hearth of self-restraint it will burn your house down.”
56. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington: “It’s not ‘What do I want to do?’, it’s ‘What kind of life do I want to have?'” & “The people who we invite on the train are those with whom we are prepared to be vulnerable and real, with whom there is no room for masks and games. They strengthen us when we falter and remind us of the journey’s purpose when we become distracted by the scenery. And we do the same for them. Never let life’s lagos– flatterers, dissemblers– onto your train. We always get warnings from our heart and our intuition when they appear, but we are often too busy to notice. When you realize they’ve made it on board, make sure you usher them off the train, and as soon as you can, forgive them and forget them. There nothing more draining than holding grudges.” & “And whenever I’d complain or was upset about something in my own life my mother had the same advice: ‘Darling, just change the channel. You are in control of the clicker. Don’t replay the bad, scary movie.'” & “An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life at 94 ‘A fight is going on inside me,’ he said to the boy. ‘It’s a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil— he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.’ He continued, ‘ The other is good– he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you– and inside every other person, too.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.”– Cherokee Legend
57. The Minimalist Home by Joshua Becker: “Minimalism isn’t about removing things you love. It’s about removing the things that distract you from the things you love.” & “Minimizing is actually optimizing– reducing the number of your possessions until you get to the best possible level for you and your family. It’s individual, freeing, and life-promoting. It’s a makeover that you can do on your own, in your current house, just by getting rid of stuff.” & “Because the best things in life aren’t things.” & “It feels better to do stuff than to have stuff.” & “Picture your dream home. I bet it’s not filled with clutter.” & ” We, as a society, waste so much time and energy and money accumulating material possessions that we don’t even realize how much good could accomplish if we freed up those resources for better things.”
58. The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation by Sheri Salata: “Listen, this may be a bold statement, but if we could collapse time and recognize the beauty in a no right when it arrives, no matter how disappointed we might feel, I think we would have mastered something fundamentally important about living happily ever after.”
59. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle: “Time isn’t precious at all because it’s an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: The Now. That is precious, indeed. The more you are focused on time– past and future– the more you miss the now, the most precious thing there is. Why is it the most precious thing? Firstly, because it is the only thing. It’s all there is. The eternal present is the space in which your whole life unfolds. The one factor that remains constant. Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now. Nor will there ever be.” & “See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or if possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.” & “If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same. The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future.”
60. My Squirrel Days: Tales from the Star of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and The Office by Ellie Kemper: “The point to take away from all this research is: if ‘AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH’ isn’t a word imitating the most natural sound in the whole world, then I wouldn’t want to be right. Here’s the thing about ‘lol’: what in the hell does that even mean? That I’m Laughing Out Loud? Yeah, that really comes across when I’m reading it.”
61. Dear America, Note of An Undocumented Citizen by Jose Antonio Vargas: “Dear America, is this what you really want? Do you even know what is happening in your name?” & “There are an estimated 28 million migrants around the world, and many us are migrating to countries that previously colonized and imperialized us. We have a human right to move, and governments should serve that right, not limit it. The unprecedented movement of people– what some might call a ‘global migration crisis’– is, in reality, a natural progression of history. Yes, we are here because we believe in the promise of the American Dream– the search for a better life, the challenge of dreaming big. But we are also here because you were there– the cost of American imperialism and globalization, the impact of economic policies and political decisions.” & “Think of it as taxation without legalization.”
62. 101 Ways to Go Zero Waste by Kathryn Kellog: “Have you ever thought about your trash? Take a second and do it now.” & “According to the EPA, the average American sends 4.4 pounds of trash to the landfill every day. We live in a convenience-based society where we often believe that all our problems can be solved with cheap, disposable products destined for the landfills.” & “Can I, just one person, really make a difference? YES!… you don’t vote only at the ballot box. you vote every day with every purchase you make.” & “It’s not about perfection; it’s about making better choices.”
63. The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer: “You see here’s the truth I’ve learned after 20 years in the business: No job changes everything. Nothing removes the struggle completely.”
64. In Order to Live: A North Korean Girl’s Journey to Freedom by Yeonmi Park: “When you have more words to describe the world, you increase your ability to think complex thoughts.” & “I never knew freedom could be such a cruel and difficult thing. Until now, I had always thought that being free meant being able to wear jeans and watch whatever movies I wanted without worrying about being arrested. Now I realized that I had to think all the time– and it was exhausting. There were times when I wondered whether, if it wasn’t for the constant hunger, I would be better off in North Korea, where all my thinking and all my choices were taken care of for me.” & “There was no ‘I’ in North Korea– only ‘we,'” & “Reading was teaching me what it meant to be alive to be human.”
65. #IMOMSOHARD by Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley: “Being honest with my kids is more important than being perfect with my kids.
66. How to Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, and a Happier Family in the Bargain by Thomas Lickona: “What is the most important question we can ask ourselves as parents? It’s this: What kind of person do we want our child to be– now, as we’re raising them, and later, as an adult. If you are like most parents, you will say that you want your child to be a good person. Of course, you also want them to be happy. You want them to have friends. You want them to have friends. You want them to discover and develop their talents, find meaning at whatever they feel called to do. But success will be hollow if they don’t have good character.”
67. Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife by Barbara Bradley Hagerty: “Turns out we’re hardwired for connection.” & “Lonely people were not faking their symptoms. Their own bodies were reacting to loneliness at a cellular level, trying to nudge them to make friends and get back into the warm, safe center of the herd.” & “The men and women who scored highest on conscientiousness– that is, who control their impulses, who were dependable and goal-oriented– had 89 percent lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s than the least conscientious people.” & “Develop thought patterns, particularly purpose in life, now, in one’s forties, fifties, and sixties. Find a purpose beyond your career— because you will one day retire… In fact, people with little purpose were two and half times more likely to develop dementia than those with a mission.” & “Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and childrearing. Our default mode at midlife is entropy. The default is not destiny, and on this, the research is unequivocal: for every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice. Harder in the moment, that is, but easier over the years, as your body and mind remain strong. By resisting entropy, but pushing through the inertia that beckons us to rest a little longer, to slow down just a notch, until your life has narrowed to a pinprick– by resisting those forces, you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath, deeply entwined with family and friends, engaged in intellectual pursuits, and infused with a purpose that extends beyond yourself. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s worth it.”
68. How to Be a Family: The Year I Dragged My Family Around the World to Find a New Way to Be Together by Dan Kois: “The trip didn’t change our life. The trip was our life, and it remains our life, forevermore. The trip didn’t change how we are a family; we are a family, and we were all changing the whole time. For the year, we each got to be the scaffold around which the others grew. The miracle of the trip was that we were all together to notice it. The miracle of the time after will be that we still do.” & “Suddenly I got it. The difference between American families and Kiwi families wasn’t that Kiwi families were somehow magically more attuned to nature than American ones. It was that Kiwi parents felt strongly enough about nature to endure everything that sucks about hiking and everything that sucks even worse about making kids do something they find boring. About what did I feel strongly enough to overcome my disinterest in making my kids do stuff they complained about, and not once but over and over, enough times to make it a habit?” & “In the Netherlands, I hoped to find the sweet spot between ‘I don’t want him to be average’ and New Zealand’s ‘You’re a dog.’ Surely there must be one! A country devoted to rigorously enforced equality that also prides itself on its cultural and national accomplishments seemed just the place to find it… ‘You have that feeling of belonging from knowing I am good enough. Good enough, that’s for us [a] very important thing.’ Well, there, elegantly delivered, was my midpoint between ‘I don’t want him to be average’ and ‘You’re a dog.’ Haverkamp suggested that I listen to myself, really listen to myself, and never use a tone with my children that I would not use with another adult. And open myself up, she said, to the idea that truly respecting the kid’s opinions and ideas would mean, often, making family decisions I didn’t agree with.”
69. The Genius Habit: How One Habit Can Radically Change Your Work and Your Life by Laura Garnett: “In this book, you will learn that tapping into your genius is less about changing yourself and more about cultivating the gifts you already have into highly effective ways of operating.” & “When joy, not drudgery, is associated with work, our society will be different. Living up to your true potential is the greatest gift you can give yourself but also the world. Enjoy the journey.” & “Trying to do everything perfectly is a huge energy drain, and the quest for perfection leads to a tendency to be overstretched… Excellence is an expensive skill: people evert a lot of energy trying to be an expert at everything rather than prioritizing how they can best use their genius and delegating the rest.” & “Stay true to your Zone of Genius.”
70. The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living by Meik Wiking
71. The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money by Rob Lieber: “Spoiled children tend to have four primary things in common, though they don’t all have to be present at once: They have few chores or other responsibilities, there aren’t many rules that govern their behaviors or schedules, parents and others lavish them with time and assistance, and they have a lot of material possessions.” & “‘Most 12-month-olds will sit with you and insist that you take their gross Cheerios, over and over. And insist that you eat them, and like them. It’s not just that they want to give them to you; they want to watch and make sure you enjoy it.’ She [Kiley Hamlin, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia] believes simple evolution is the explanation here: We live in groups for protection and companionship, and doing so requires cooperation and generosity.” & “Money is central, but it is also a teaching tool that uses the value of a dollar to instill in our children the values we want them to embrace… — curiosity, patience thrift, modesty, generosity, perseverance, and perspective.” & “Every conversation about money is also about values. Allowance is also about patience. Giving is also about generosity. Work is about perseverance. Negotiating their wants and needs and the difference between the two has a lot to do with thrift and prudence.”
72. The Quarter-Life Breakthrough: Invent Your Own Path, Find Meaningful Work, and Build a Life That Matters by Adam Smiley Poswolsky: “People maximize their potential when they work toward something greater than themselves and when they align their work with their purpose. Another way to think of your purpose is what you want to do for the world… Let’s accept the idea that very few people have only one purpose, one truth, or one calling. Our purpose actually changes throughout our lives.” & “Your ‘breakthrough priority’ is your bottom line, which says: above all else, even if I have to make certain sacrifices, it’s important that my next lily pad allows me to_______.” & “With a retirement mindset, we work our whole lives in order to spend a few years post-sixty-five playing gold. With a lily pad career mindset, we spend our whole lives doing something that matters– our work is so purposeful that when we turn sixty-five, we can’t even bring ourselves to stop working (and we certainly don’t have any reason to play golf).”
73. The 2-Hour Job Search: Using Technology to Get the Right Job Faster by Steve Dalton: “The advent of online job postings fundamentally changes how hiring gets done. People flocked to the concept due to its convenience and logic. However, in practice, online job postings have proven to be nothing more than a massive red herring. Submitting resumes online lets job seekers feel like they’re looking for a job, so job seekers continue to use them knowing full well how unlikely a response is. It’s like watching someone beating up a vending machine for an hour completely unwilling to accept that it just ate his or her money.” & “Step1: Prioritize. The LAMP Method. We learned how to build a list of 40 possible employers in 40 minutes. We then collected 3 pieces of data that approximated the likelihood of success for each one. Step 2: Contact. We learned that less is more. Shorter outreach emails, particularly the 5-point email process, as not only easier and faster to write but they also maximize the probability of getting a response from boosters. Step 3: Recruit. We learned a process for managing informational interviews to maximize the chances of meeting our dual goals: building rapport and gaining using information.”
74. Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne: “We are building our daily lives, and our families, on the four pillars of too much: too much stuff, too many choices, too much information, and too much speed. With this level of busyness, distractions, time pressure, and clutter (mental and physical), children are robbed of the time and ease they need to explore their worlds and their emerging selves.” & “Our society– with its pressure of ‘too much’– is waging an undeclared war on childhood.” & “Little ones ‘graze’ on our emotions. They feed on the tone we set, the emotional climate we create.” & “Part of an acorn’s telos, or destiny, is to become an oak. An acorn caries its telos within, from the beginning. Beyond our genetic gifts to them, beyond what they absorb from us and their environment, children seem to arrive with something of their very own, a telos, or intrinsic nature.” & “Children need experience, not entertainment, in play. The more kids can do, see, feel, and experience for themselves in play, the more connected they will feel to the world, and the less overwhelmed. We live in an information age, where kindergarten-age children know all about the tropical rainforest. Yet have they thoroughly mucked about in their own yards and neighborhoods?” & “Meaning hides in repetition: We do this every day pr every week because it matters. We are connected by this thing we do together. We matter to one another. In the tapestry of childhood, what stands out is not the splashy, blow-out trip to Disneyland but the common threads that run throughout and repeat: the family dinners, nature walks, reading together at bedtime. Saturday morning pancakes.”
75. Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans: “The apostles remembered what many modern Christians tend to forget– that what makes the gospel offensive isn’t who it keeps out but who it lets un.” & “The church is not a group of people who believe all the same things; the church is a group of people caught up in the same story, with Jesus at the center.” & “While Christians tend to turn to Scripture to end a conversation, Jews turn to Scripture to start a conversation.” & “I’ve often said that those who say having a childlike faith means not asking questions haven’t met too many children.” & “The truth is, you can bend Scripture to say just about anything you want it to say. You can bend it until it breaks. For those who count the Bible as sacred, interpretation is not a matter of whether to pick and choose, but how to pick and choose. We’re all selective. We all wrestle with how to interpret and apply the Bible to our lives. We all go to the text looking for something, and we all have a tendency to find it. So the question we have to ask ourselves is this: are we reading with the prejudice of love, with Christ as our model, or are we reading with the prejudices of judgment and power, self-interest and greed? Are we seeking to enslave or liberate, burden or set free?” & “God is still breathing. The Bible is both inspired and inspiring. our job is to ready the sails and gather the embers, to discuss and debate, and like the bible character Jacob, to wrestle with the mystery until God gives us a blessing.”
76. The Montessori Toddler: A Parent’s Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being by Simone Davis: “Let the children be free; encourage them; let them run outside when it is raining; let them remove their shows when they find a puddle of water; and, when the grass of the meadow is wet with dew, let them run on it and trample it with their bare feet; let them rest peacefully when a tree invites them to sleep beneath its shade; let them shout and laugh when the sun wakes them in the morning as it wakes every living creature that decides its days between waking and sleeping.”–Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child & “We can continue Montessori at home by including the child in daily life and making sure they have time for unstructured play, opportunities to create, time outdoors, and time for rest. They will continue to practice skills through practical life, arts and crafts, movement and music, and books.” & “Remember, we want our homes to be ‘yes’ spaces that are sage for our toddlers to explore.” & “1. Follow the child– Let them lead 2. Encourage hands-on learning– Let them explore 3. Include the child in daily life– Let them be included 4. Go slow– Let them set their own pace 5. Help me to help myself– let them be independent and responsible 6. Encourage creativity– let them wonder 7. Observe– Let them show us.”
77. Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice From the Best in the World by Tim Ferriss
78. Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Better by Rashmi Saujani: “Our culture has shaped generations of perfect girls… who grow up to be women afraid to take a chance. Afraid of speaking their minds, of making bold choices, or owning and celebrating their achievements, and of living the life they want to live, without constantly seeking outside approval. In other words: afraid of being brave.” & “A great example of how powerful the people-pleasing impulse can be, comes from an experiment about lemonade. Yes, lemonade. ABC News, with the help of psychologist Campbell Leaper from the University of California, gave groups of boys and girls a glass of lemonade that was objectively awful (they added salt instead of sugar) and asked how they like it. The boys immediately said, ‘Eeech… this takes disgusting.’ All the girls, however, politely drank it, even choked it down. Only when the researchers pushed and asked the girls why they hadn’t told them the lemonade was terrible did the girls admit that they hadn’t wanted to make the researchers feel bad.”
79. The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks: “Individualism says, You have to love yourself first before you can love others. But the second-mountain ethos says, You have to be loved first so you can understand love, and you have to see yourself actively loving others so that you know you are worthy of love. On the first mountain, a person makes individual choices and keeps their options open. The second mountain us a vale of promise-making. It is about making commitments, tying oneself down, and giving oneself away.” & “In this way, moral formation is not individual; it is relational. Character is not something you build sitting in a room thinking about the difference between right and wrong and about your own willpower. Character emerges from our commitments. If you want to inculcate character in someone else, teach them how to form commitments– temporary ones in childhood, permanent ones in adulthood. Commitments are the school for moral formation. When your life is defined by fervent commitments, you are on the second mountain.” & “You don’t climb the second mountain the way you climb the first mountain. You conquer your first mountain. You identify the summit, and you claw your way toward it. You are conquered by your second mountain. You surrender to some summons, and you do everything necessary to answer the call and address the problem or injustice that is in front of you. On the first mountain, you tend to be ambitious, strategic, and independent. On the second mountain, you tend to be relational, intimate, and relentless.”
80. The Latte Factor: Why You Don’t Have to Be Rich to Live Rich by David Bach: “1. Pay yourself first 2. Don’t budget. Make it automatic 3. Live rich now” & “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might not like where you end up.”
81. The Art of Simple Living: 100 Daily Practices from a Japanese Zen Monk for a Lifetime of Calm and Joy by Shunmyo Masuno: “If the world is not going the way you want it to, perhaps it is better to change yourself.” & ” When things aren’t going well, we tend to think we are lacking something. But if we want to change our current situation, we should first part with something before we look to acquire something else. This is a fundamental tenet of simple living. Discard your attachments. Reduce your possessions. Living simply is also about discarding your physical and mental burdens.” & “Do not allow yourself to be disturbed by your anxieties or troubles— they key to keeping your mind invigorated is to first put the things around in order.” & “Life requires time and effort. That is to say, when we eliminate time and effort, we eliminate life’s pleasures. Every so often, experience the flip side of convenience.” & “Make your meals about the eating.” & “Humans are not capable of deep reflection while we are moving.” & “One hundred percent of us will die– that is our fate as human beings. We know this, and yet in the face of death, we still cling to life. When I greet my own end, I will strive for as little attachment as I can. I would like to depart this world thinking that my life has been a good one. I hope to embody the Zen concept that the way we live should complement our understanding of life and that we should strive to achieve the things of which we are capable.”
82. The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason: “Pay yourself first.” & “A part of all I earn is mine to keep… let it not be less than 1/10th and lay it by.” & ” Learn your lessons well. First, learn how to live on less than you can earn. Next, you learn to seek advice from those who are competent through their experiences to give it. And lastly, you learn to make gold work for you. How to acquire money, how to keep it, and how to use it.” & “7 Cures for a Lean Purse: 1. Pay thyself 1/10th of what thy earns. 2. Control thy expenditures. Budget thy expenses that thou mayest have coins to pay for thine necessities, to pay for thine enjoyments, and to gratify thy worthwhile desires without spending more than 9/10ths of thy earnings. 3. Make thy gold multiply.  4. Guard thy treasure from loss by investing only where thy principle is safe where it may be reclaimed if desirable and where thou will not fail to collect a fair rental. Consult with wise [wo]men. Secure the advice of those experienced in the profitable handling of gold. Let their wisdom protect thy treasure from unsafe investments. 5. Make thy dwelling a profitable investment. Own thy own home. 6. Ensure a future income. Provide in advance for the needs of thy growing age and the protection of thy family. 7. Increase thy ability to earn. Cultivate thy own powers. Study and become wiser. Become more skillful. Thereby shalt thou acquire confidence in oneself to achieve thy carefully considered desires.” & “Truth is always simple.”
83. The Codling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting up a Generation for Failure by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt: “By standards of our great-grandparents, nearly all of us are coddled. Each generation tends to see the one after as weak, whiny, and lacking in resilience. Those older generations may have had a point, even though these generational changes reflect real and positive progress. To repeat, we are not saying that the problems facing students, and young people more generally, are minor or ‘all in their heads.’ We are saying that what people chose to do in their heads will determine how those real problems affect them. Our argument is ultimately pragmatic, not moralistic: Whatever your identity, background, or political ideology, you will be happier, healthier, stronger and more likely to succeed in pursuing your own goals if you do the opposite of what Misoponos advised. That means seeking out challenges (rather than eliminating or avoiding everything that ‘feels unsafe’), freeing yourself from cognitive distortions (rather than always trusting your initial feelings), and taking a generous view of other people, and looking for nuance (rather than assuming the worst about people within a simplistic us-vs-them morality).” & “The Untruth of Fragility: What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker. The Untruth of Emotional Reasoning: Always trust your feelings. The Untruth of Us Versus Them: Life is a battle between good people and evil people.” & “Teaching kids that failures, insults, and painful experiences will do lasting damage is harmful in and of itself. Human beings need physical and mental challenges and stressors or we deteriorate.” & “If we want to create welcoming, inclusive communities, we should be doing everything we can to turn down the tribalism and turn up the sense of common humanity.” & “Twenge finds that there are just two activities that are significantly correlated with depression and other suicide-related outcomes (such as considering suicide, making a plan, or making an actual attempt): electronic device use (such as a smartphone, tablet, or computer) and watching TV. On the other hand, there are five activities that have inverse relationships with depression (meaning that kids who spend more hours per week on these activities show lower rates of depression): sports and other forms of exercise, attending religious services, reading books and other print materials, in-person social interactions, and doing homework.”
84. Chasing the Brightside: Embrace Optimism, Activate your Purpose, and Write Your Own Story by Jess Ekstrom (one of my former students!!!): “Optimism is about understanding that we can’t control our experiences, but we can control what they mean to us and the story they write for us.” & “out of your 70,000 daily thoughts, which ones don’t support your story?” & “We never want to reach a place where we feel like we know it all. Which is why it’s a benefit to not classify yourself as an expert. When we feel like we’ve reached a place where we should stop being curious or learning from others, that’s a far worse place to be than a beginner. Optimists are openminded and filled with wonder about what is possible without being sure of what’s next.”
85. Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport: “Simply put, humans were not wired to be constantly wired.” & “I’m quite simply happier and more productive– by noticeably large factors– when I’m walking regularly. Many others, both today and historically, enjoy the same benefits that come from this substantial injection of solitude into an otherwise hectic life. Thoreau once wrote: I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least– and it is commonly more than that– sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.” & “The dumb phone movement is gathering steam, and the tools available to support this lifestyle change are improving. If you’re exhausted by your smartphone addiction, it’s not only possible to say, ‘No more,’ it’s actually not that hard.”
86. Everything Is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo: “She put down her screwdriver, turned to me, and said, ‘don’t be silly, Ree. Nothing in life is that complicated. You can do whatever you set your mind to if you just roll up your sleeves, get in there, and do it. Everything is figureoutable.” & “The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.” & “You are 100 percent responsible for your life. Always and in all ways. It’s not your parents. It’s not the economy. It’ snot your husband or wife or your family. It’s not your boss. It’s not the schools you went to. It’s not the government or society or institutions or your age. You are responsible for what you believe, how you feel, and how you behave. To be clear, I’m not saying you’re responsible for the actions of others or injustices that have happened to you– but you are responsible for how you respond to the actions of others. In fact, lasting happiness can only come when you take 100 percent responsibility for yourself.” & “I win or I learn, but I never lose.”
87. No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson:
88. Pivot: The Only Move That Matters is Your Next One by Jenny Blake: “Pivoting WAS a response to failing at Plan A, the original goal. But when it comes to our careers, learning to pivot IS Pan A. Pivoting, within our roles and throughout our careers, is the new normal.”
89. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: “‘To be loved equally,’ I continued, ‘is somehow to be loved less. To be loved uniquely– for one’s own special self– is to be loved as much as we need to be loved.” & “Insisting upon good feelings between the children led to good feelings. A circuitous route to sibling harmony. And yet, the most direct.” & “‘It’s important to make a distinction between allowing feelings and allowing actions,’ I replied. ‘We permit children to express all their feelings. We don’t permit them to hurt each other. Our job is to show them how to express their anger without doing damage.”
90. Into the World: The Acts of the Apostles by Carol J. Miller + The Book of Acts

Here’s what I was (and in some cases am still currently) reading as 2019 transitioned into 2020:

• The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning Routine, Elevate Your Life by Robin Sharma
• The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century by Thomas L. Freidman
• The Lemon Tree: An Arab, A Jew, and the Heart of the Middle East by Sandy Tolan
• I Don’t Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist by Norman L. Geisler and Frank Turek
• Factfulness: Ten Reasons Why We’re Wrong About the World and Why Things Are Better Than You Think by Hans Rosling
• American Like Me: Reflections on Life Between Cultures by America Ferrera
• Comedy Sex God by Pete Holmes

Here’s what I received as Christmas gifts/just checked out of the library and I cannot wait to dig into:

• In the Midst of Winter by Isabel Allende
• The Signal and The Noise: Why So Many Predictions Fail-– But Some Don’t by Nate Silver
• The Mosquito: A Human History of Our Deadliest Predator by Timothy C. Winegard
• Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting by Hunter Clarke-Fields

Cheers to 2020!  And here’s to more free reading!